One step back....all advice welcome

[fearless]

But take my comments to Fearless for example. The reason I said those things to her is because I believe she does not see the issues at play which cause her to bend over backward to please people. She rationalizes a lot of things as just wanting to be fair, to understand both sides, etc., but she shows a lot of anxiety when disagreements occur. That stuff with her parents seemed normal to her. I saw a lot of dysfunction. I also seem some denial on her part. I don’t think any of that is a major problem, but it is there all the same. She can decide how important it is.

Cobra,

I made 2 posts this morning about this subject on the thread "Tangent to HD - Cognitive behavior."

I feel that you do not "read" my responses with correct emotions. First anxiety is not what I feel with disagreements. I feel excitement and passion. I love disagreements. I think you read my passion and excitement for anxiety. Not surprising because in written word it would be hard to see the difference. The rationalization part I am not sure what you mean. I see rationalization as making excuses and not as searching for reason. I search for reason. There is no excuse to be made for my dad yelling. He was upset. The REASONING with my mom was not to rationalize dad's yelling but to explain what his yelling was about. I believe that is a significant difference.

The whole denial thing - I don't know. I just feel like when I disagree with some of your conclusions, you dismiss me as deflecting or denying.

In addition the whole misreading people here on the board is very easy. I am amused at the exchanges between Lillie and CAC4. Lillie is obviously feeling very emotional toward CAC4 but as an outsider I just don't get it. There is something about CAC4's WORDS that connect with Lillie and make her think her BF and CAC4 are alike. While they may use the same words and react to lillie in a similar manner, does NOT mean they are alike. They may react to her the SAME WAY for COMPLETELY different reasons.