Forget all his drama. Focus on you. Where are YOUR boundaries and WTF aren't you enforcing them?
Being his mommy or rescuer really isn't going to help anyone. Nor, will it work.
You keep talking about all the stuff he is doing to you. YOU are doing this stuff to you. If he wants to talk R, and you don't, the DON'T. If he wants in your bed, and you don't want him there, THEN DON'T share a bed with him. Sex is still clearly on the table, WHY?
Write down your boundaries on a piece of poster board and put them on the wall. Or print out two copies, one for your purse and one for his wallet.
You cannot control him, but you do control yourself. You really have to snap out playing the victim role for your own sake. Take ownership of your choices and their consequences.
Also, I really suggest that you get a C for yourself. There is some pretty sick enmeshment going on here. You are comparing living with SO with living with an alcoholic -- doesn't that strike a nerve for you? Who are you trying to save, SO or your father? Who are you trying not to abandon? Who are you trying to be a good girl for? You are so worried about being perfect and not making any mistakes -- as if YOU have the power to make things turn own magically right. YOU DON'T. You are not the cause and you are not the solution.
If you want a more realistic picture of what is going on with SO, insist on SO's permission to meet with his therapist to discuss the diagnosis and prognosis.
