My illustration does indeed point out why LL is important and why respecting the other's LL is important. However, time and time again on this board we have discussed the fact that meeting the other's LL makes for a happier overall marriage but rarely results in the higher desire partner getting more actual sex. My H can acknowledge my need for PT verbally but DOING it (all kinds of touch) seems a different matter altogether. We have a long way to go on this.

Karen,

Forgive me for dwelling on the LL thing a bit more. First off LL is a fairly simplistic concept but I still believe that within a relationship the genius of it is that IF both partners meet the others LL it can clear up a lot of "hostility" and hurt feelings. I know that PT is the LL many of the SSMers are dealing with but even if you think about the other LL your example still holds true.

What if a H has a AOS LL and his wife has a WOA? If neither LL is met, the relationship is probably struggling. If one of the spouses begins to meet the other's LL, things probably start to improve AND YET the spouse without the LL met would still be hurting from not getting from their partner what they NEED WITHIN the relationship to feel loved.

Does your H know about the LL concept? If so, how much have you stressed the non-sexual part of physical touch to him? Since he seems to understand how much he appreciates having his needs met, it seems strange that he is averse to yours. It really makes me wonder if he has some fear of not being able to do it well enough or something.

By the way I read through this thread and your H's habit of calling out as he walks to the bathroom that after brushing his teeth you will be making love CRACKED ME UP! That does sound like a management/leadership type of communication \:\) For some reason that just makes me think of doing something silly like calling out only if you can find me and hiding somewhere obvious!!!



But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus