True intimcy in marriage can not be achieved without great head.
You crack me up Cemar.
What about all those men and women in porn who give each other "great head"? How intimate is that? Sex itself is not intimacy. You always have to look at the context of the act. So what is your M like outside of the sex department? Try focusing on setting up the right context to actually get the great head and intimacy combo. LFL
The excuse of having to swallow is gross I do not buy. When I go down on my wife, I get plenty of bodily fliuds from her, and they have All kinds of tastes and smells. When I get done I have to wipe my face with a towel cause my wife does not want to smell herself on me. So the ick factor is not valid. Heck, there are women on here that seem to love to do it.
So who is normal, those that love to perform oral, or those that don't?
Yeas I have read it in many places. I probably should have said a cuase of divorce and not "major" cause of divorce. The problem is that men see this as an issue of trust. We see our future wives as HD women (which at the time they usually are). We get married TRUSTING that the women is really this way. THen after the marriage, they become LD, which in effect is a complete change in personality. So before marriage, they are telling us that they like to give head. We expect this to continue, and guess what, they no longer like to do it. Seems to me that this is a MAJOR change in the relationship that is not reasonable.
Everyone says marriage is about trust, well I trusted my wife to actually BE the person I married.
The ick factor is valid for EVERYONE. Just because YOU are willing to go down on your wife and experience bodily fluids from her....doesn't mean she will....ESPECIALLY if she doesn't feel the intimate connection from you that she needs in order to do something that she doesn't normally enjoy...and there are MANY women who flat-out will not swallow, it's not your right to tell her she must or her effort just isn't good enough for you (and that's exactly how it sounds to me). I normally HATE to swallow, it literally makes me gag if I'm not able to time it right (or if I don't get warning)...it CAN make me nearly vomit. If a man told me I HAD to swallow or he wouldn't accept the effort (which is basically how I see your statement) then guess what...I wouldn't do it at all.
You've been told this MANY, MANY, MANY times CeMar....intimacy isn't built in the bedroom, it's built outside of it. It's the things that go on outside the bedroom in everyday life that will make a woman (speaking from my gender specific perspective here and not daring to speak for men) feel like doing something that normally icks her out....to make you happy. The behavior you display on this BB will not foster that feeling of intimacy in your W, therefore she will not want to do something that will ick her out....and you do not appear to be doing anything to foster a feeling of intimacy in your W.
In addition to that you are expecting her to behave in a manner that she did during the "honeymoon" phase of your marriage. That behavior IS NOT deception, it is temporary (we've repeatedly told you that too). There is a temporary high that occurs in ANY relationship, that temporary high can be shown differently for different people...then the relationship mellows, matures....and life friggin happens. I can guarantee...YOU aren't behaving in the same manner you did in the early stages of your relationship with your W either. Your sexual appetite may be the same...but just because yours is, doesn't mean that hers should be....it's a very individual thing.
I don't know why I bother to respond, it feels like wasted effort.
...a man shouldn't push the issue unless he is willing to swallow a mouthful of his own...
There's actually a name for that but I can't remember it. Something French I think. You catch it in your mouth and then give it back to him with a soul kiss. My ideal man will be very much into that concept. I've always swallowed which is probably why I have a pretty big aversion to the concept of chocolate flavored sexual novelties. Those tastes do not go together at all. Though I did read that if a guy eats a lot of fruit and doesn't smoke or drink you can kind of sweeten it up but I don't really see the point. It's just one of those adult acquired tastes like black coffee or whiskey or goose liver pate.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
It's called snowballing and you just got crossed off my list forever. Good gawd.
This is interesting. I tried that technique once (not on H) and the guy scrunched up his face and just shook his head "no way!" Lol I dont' know if there are many guys out there MJ that would go for that technique. Real life is not a porno.
Your post is dead on. It describes my POV on head. I always let her be in full control on head.
People sayu that trust is important in marriage. She was giving me head before marriage, so I gave her my "trust". She is now a different person, and thus I can NOT trust her. When men marry, we are making a HUGE trusting commitment. We are foresaking all other women and placing ALL of our trust in our women that they will be our lovers for the rest of our lives. That is a HUGE gamble. We are putting ALL of our eggs into one basket. Yes. marriage is about "trust". Later we find out they don't really want to be lovers, they just want to be companions.
Women are gambling too Cemar. They are making HUGE trusting commitments also. How do you think they feel when the man they used to count on for emotional support, QT, WOA, gifts, etc., becomes too busy or distracted to support them in the way they need support? Do you think they feel betrayed? What would you think if you found out your wife is saying the reverse of your statement to friends - "later we find out they don't really want to be partners, they just want to be lovers." Shouldn't a healthy marriage have room for both partnership and sex???
Last edited by fearless; 03/29/0702:42 PM.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
