If a person knows there are problems from FOO, then I agree that is usually all that is needed. Details on what happened may be overkill. But take my comments to Fearless for example. The reason I said those things to her is because I believe she does not see the issues at play which cause her to bend over backward to please people. She rationalizes a lot of things as just wanting to be fair, to understand both sides, etc., but she shows a lot of anxiety when disagreements occur. That stuff with her parents seemed normal to her. I saw a lot of dysfunction. I also seem some denial on her part. I don’t think any of that is a major problem, but it is there all the same. She can decide how important it is.
As for really serious FOO, like sexual abuse or rape, I don’t see any use in dragging up the past as long as there is no advantage to doing so. Remember Happy Giant’s wife? We suspected he has some sort of past abuse, but she would not confront it, would not go to counseling, and it had a major impact on the marriage. Well, I think that is one situation where her FOO must be explored, maybe not in detail, but just to help her work past it. Maybe CBT would work. Maybe not. But she is a rare case on this board.
From what I’ve seen, Chrome has one of the worst FOOs on here. He was already spiraling down and I think he has done a good job of facing all his issues and pulling himself back up.
Maybe you see this as a mission for me to prove some point, but I just call what I see. I also don’t see how you or anyone else can determine if a person is “functioning well enough in the present.” If they project enough anger or reactivity to begin to show a pattern to cause someone to suspect FOO issues, then maybe they could be functioning a lot better.
I’ll tell you what I see. I see you as still being reactive, just as you were toward NOP, something about being judged I think. People have asked me about my FOO. I’ve gone through it so much it is old news to me. I am quite apathetic toward it now, though at one time I was very reactive about it, and in complete denial about a lot of things. I like where I am now a lot better.
