Feeling somewhat better today. Went to the library to pick up a book yesterday (After the Affair) that I had been waiting for almost two months for. Well, it was well worth the wait. I can hardly put the darn thing down. It is like she interviewed me for it!!
I am also glad that I had to wait it out before it arrived because I am much more able to deal with the exercises that need to be done and understanding the whole structure of the A and how it happened. As much as I knew it wasn't my fault, that doesn't mean I didn't feel my world shatter around me, along with my self confidence and esteem. But that has come back and I am now more able to deal with the day to day roller coaster.
I have also come to realize that the A was not about what was wrong with me, it was about what H felt was wrong with him. There are a lot of issues we are both dealing with, his being very deeply rooted from childhood (a big one was being adopted and not finding out until he was 55 years of age, if you can believe it but that's a whole other topic of conversation)
The past couple of days seem to be on the up swing and I am enjoying my long-lost happiness. H seems to be happier too, he even said he wanted to cut back on seeing the C by himself to maybe once a month or less (but I don't think I want to as a couple and he is okay with that)
We are looking forward to the weekend and doing some more yardwork together. We always enjoyed that before the A. However, we have agreed that we can both be obsessive about doing certain things and have decided we need to ease up and just enjoy life a little more, together.
Hopefully, this is the corner I have been waiting to turn
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
