for better or for worse

[HalfMissing]

I am trying not to involve them but they are smart and know what happened. My D overheard the bomb so she knows all the details. I admit I have failed on this.

I asked them if I was like my mother because I have always been so afraid that I would turn out like her. Maybe I shouldn't have asked that but I was concerned if I was a bad mother to them and the comments about did I act like that to their father just came out afterwards. We were all pretty upset at the time.

I am very proud of my kids. They are in the gifted programs at school. But I also have to be extra careful because gifted kids can be very fragile emotionally. I need to reread my books on gifted children again.

I think I need to detach from my mother as well as my H. I have been depending too much on my parents' support and it still upsets me so much to see how my mother acts. They are actually coming tomorrow for another visit and the kids asked me to take my mother out shopping so that they can play with grandpa alone without her getting jealous. (They asked this on their own.)

It is funny how everyone says that your spouse's MLC triggers your own. I have been soul searching trying to remember the person I was like in my teens. I will never forget that on the night before my wedding my mom came into my bedroom and said "You do know that now you are getting married, your father and I will get divorced." She was jealous that it was going to be my wedding day and I would get attention and she wanted to hurt me. I swore that my children would never have to live with the fear that their parents would divorce. I purposely waited 10 years to make sure our marriage was rock solid and H agreed that once we had children divorce would never be an option. Even a few months ago, he reassured them that Mommy and Daddy would never divorce after we saw a show on TV on the topic. (Less than a month before the bomb.) I feel like I failed them. But if I had picked a different husband who was not destined to have a MLC (as if I could have known) my children wouldn't exist.