Yay!!! You are doing so so so well. I'm so proud of you. I do know how hard it must have been for you to decide to make this trip on your own - and you did it. Fantastic.
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I feel strange, empty, full, empowered, angry, sad, lost, lonely, strong, etc, all at the same time.
Yeah - of course you do. Talk about 'out of your comfort zone'. This is a biggie. That's why it's so powerful.
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He said okay and I think looked kind of shocked...
You H is definately shocked that you have decided to take the trip on your own, without talking it to death before you decided. He's shocked and he's surprised that you have taken your power back and made a decision by yourself for yourself - and let me tell you, that is going to feel very uncomfortable for him. Excellent.
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It made me realize how much I depend on him - even for small things like helping with luggage when we travel.
This revelation is a big one isn't it? I remember when I realised it I was kind of amazed. I had been trotting through life, blissfully unaware that I relied on my husband to do everything that I didn't feel like doing. It had made me lazy and a bit of a spoiled brat (or as my sister said recently "V, you were such a Princess." AGH ...). Once I realised it, I also realised I didn't like it about myself and these days I love how independent I am. I carry my own luggage, I change my own light bulbs, I take out the trash every week, I mow the lawn and if I don't feel like mowing the lawn I call the gardener - when I was married I would have asked my H to call the gardener and given very specific instructions of what I needed him to tell the gardener!!! I was a control freak - like kind of a manager in our marriage rather than a partner. I'd do all the thinking and organising, and anything else I liked to do, and I left all the crappy work for him. Poor bugger.
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said okay but am now going back on that... I don't feel like I want to have ANY contact with him at all until I get home if I can avoid it - no e-mail, no phone calls, no anything.
... and the thing is - you don't have to. I guess you are well and truely into the LRT part of the book now, so you'll understand that the way you are feeling is in fact a great mindset to really make the LR work.
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If I keep up communication with him while I'm gone, from a communication standpoint it won't be that much different from when I was home.
Exactly. You are such a fast learner.
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At this point, I no longer feel like I want to continue our R the way it is right now... I'm tired of having my heart rip out time and time again every single day from seeing him and talking to him.... I'm just ready to be strong and set boundaries and set some different dynamics to how to go forward with this.... I hope that will not mean losing him, but things just need to change.
Girl - I can't advise you on any specifics in relation to how to manage interactions on the business etc - but I can say that acknowledging that you are in a position to set boundaries is such a big step for you and so very important. What happened the other night when he slept over at your home apartment? Did he speak to you in the morning? Do you want him to be able to come and go as he pleases? Are you comfortable "sharing" with poor stupid OW? All of these issues are in your control and you have the capacity to set your own personal boundaries around them.
Having said that, I'm interested as to why you see such a strong link between you working hard and him staying over with her? I understand that because you guys are in business together you have to see more of each other than if you had separate careers, but I wonder if it would be helpful for you to decouple your business life from your personal life.
I hear what you are saying about the business being something that you have built together as a means to fulfilling your dreams - but at the end of the day it is only a job. You know, it's the thing you do to make money to live the lifestyle you want. It's kind of entirely separate from your personal life.
I guess you'll have lots of reasons why you don't agree with that, but as an outsider looking in, it just all seems a little all consuming to live together, work together, have your social life largely revolve around the business - I wonder if those circumstances have made this even harder for you than might otherwise be the case if you didn't work together.
Just rambling really.
Anyway - it's so great that you got away. How long are you there for? Keep praying, keep asking the universe to help you move through this journey. I used to have little conversations with God when things got really hairy - and I'd say something like "I'm listening God, please help me hear." Inevitably - I would hear/feel something in my heart that would keep me going.
Enjoy
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
