I have found it extremely helpful to understand my FOO issues. This knowledge has helped me to see that I'm not inherently flawed, which is helping me to change my behavior. I do not blame my parents. I understand that they did the best job they were capable of doing. They did not have at their disposal the wealth of information that we have available today.
FOO issues in no way excuse bad adult behavior. As adults, we are solely responsible for our behavior and for the choices we make, regardless of our background.
H is fond of this quote from George Santayana: "Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it." I think this is applicable to married relationships and parenting. If we don't understand the FOO issues, I think we're more likely to repeat the behavior of our parents, and pass the dysfunction along to our children.
