I’ve been staying off the boards as much as possible lately, part of my new found focus on, “yours truly”.
Staying on the boards seemed to keep me in a certain mindset which, up until recently, was just what I needed. But now with my new found detachment, (I can’t believe I could even get any farther in that arena, but I remarkably have) I keep my focus off of my marriage and on myself and my future. (Of course my children are always part of that).
I feel pretty happy and contented these days. H and I are getting along better then ever but it is an "empty" (not quite the right word) kind of getting along because he still "lives" in his studio out back.
On Valentines day we went to my son’s friends birthday party at a karaoke place and I with a few other parents, enjoyed wine and good food. It was so fun. H was there too. As the other parents touched and connected I felt the lack of being able to reach out to H. Not because I didn’t want to but because he has not indicated in any real way that he wants to be approached in a physical way. Occasionally I will touch him on the back but only as I would a friend. He never touches me. He never was a touchy feely guy anyway and I was always way more physical. I’ve pretty much made my peace with this. I am not angry or asking God why? I accept that perhaps this is “IT”.
I’m not resigned either. I just don’t have any attention on it, as before I really did. For me a life without physical comfort and let’s be real, sex, was unthinkable. Now, I really have put that part of it in Gods hands at long, loooooonnnnngggggggg last. It doesn’t do much good for me to parcel out just which part of my life I am willing to give over to God. I’m thinking I’ve finally given it all over to Him. But then everytime I give it over to God I find, like detachment that ahhhh… there is still more to go.
I really can call myself a successful Dber. I feel good and my family is basically intact. My marriage... God is taking good care of it. I do not worry anymore one way or the other. I feel good and amazingly enough, I even had no problems through an "attack of the hormones". Yes, I know you are shocked but, not a single "injustice" roared it's ugly head with my monthly hormone wigging. Will wonders never cease? No, I don't believe they will.
Hugs to all my friends and all those who are in the middle of this craziness. Better days are a comin'. I promise.
Alex, I really do have a new lease on life and I’m REALLY NOT troubled by any domestic strife at all. It is amazing. I owe ya one hon! Thanks!
TC: Hi sweetie, please feel free to e-mail me anytime. I do get those much more quickly then posts to the DB these days. How are you?
Frosty, Finally my ankle is on the mend. Hah! Ice in CA, more like clutz in CA. LOL! I guess I’m going to have to look you up on your thread because I always want to know how you and the girls are, oh and maybe the mole in a sort of protective (of you girls, that is) kind of way. Hugs!
Hi Helga,
Kind of slow on responding to my e-mails. You are still in my prayers. I’m honored that you came over to visit me on my thread! Will write soon. I’m glad your ankle is doing better! Hugs and love to you as well!
