Kansha, it strikes me that you spend a whole lot of time worrying about your h, and his words, whether they're good for you (because they force you to toughen up) or whether they're bad for you (because they're downright mean). That time, IMHO, could be better spent worrying about YOU. I think you have been closeted within your h's sphere for so long that you have almost lost any sense of reality. And it's become a distorted form of reality. People should not treat others the way your h treats you. That's MHO. And it might not be worth much. Kansha, get back to basics. You can still be compassionate, but you don't have to let someone tread too heavily. You can shield your kids from pain, but if you continue like this, and let h talk like this, they see not such a good view of life and marriage. And what's it doing to you? You say you used to be able to make yourself up and walk into anyone's office and convince them to take a chance on you. What's your h's abuse done to that glowing self-esteem? (Sorry, but I believe he is abusive. I don't care if he periods of great remorse, or periods of enlightenment, the overall image is one of abusive behaviour.) You're worth more than this, okay?
Yes, I'm a freelance writer, but there is NO money in it. Unless you can hook up with a PR company, and then you can make money. But writing for magazines and newspapers is tough. Not to discourage you, just to tell you what it's like. There's no reason why you can't start small though, while you're looking for other work, and do the odd article here and there. There's lots of help via books and internet stuff to tell you how to go about it.
