The thought of verbal or emotional abuse has been on my mind for a while. Not necessarily from my H, not sure he communicates enough to get that label. His family culture is not to say enough.
My family, however, has a way with words. We tend to be sarcastic to a fault. It's fun most of the time, but over the years there have been some hurt feelings. The real problem lies in my dad. He is a very intelligent man with no emotional intelligence. He says things that actually insult people, but has no understanding that he did. My mom used to take care of the loose ends with what he would say, she was the only one allowed to "challenge" him in any way. Now that she's passed on, it is getting increasingly worse. Some of my siblings and I have tried on a couple occasions to help him understand. The result is that now his feelings are hurt, he feels attacked by us.
Sorry for the detail, I guess what I've figured out is that human emotions are so complicated and as you say, nothing is simple. I suppose one would need to look at intent to determine actual abuse? I know that I have somewhat shutdown on my dad simply because I can't deal with it. I try to keep it at the weather and such, and unfortunately avoid him if I have to.
It is good that you realize the pattern has changed, perhaps he has to say what's in his head to realize that what he's thinking doesn't make sense?
I only posted what I did out of concern for you. Only you can determine if you've had enough. As we all know, you are the saint!
