How about get in touch with your emotions and your pain?
another classic. but wtf does it mean??? reminds me of the old recurring skit on SNL w/ the pop-therapist, whos response to everything was "......have you LOOKED at ya-self???" and everyone went away with this enlightened look, like they'd just seen the burning bush or something.
I get your point Cac. Being aware of your feelings and even where they stem from, FOO blah blah, has little to do with actually taking the steps to becoming a better person, better partner. Figuring out WHY you are the way you are is certainly interesting but there is no automatic "insight" or cure to the problems.
Cobra, Have you ever thought that with as much energy you put into discovering how your FOO relates to who you are (as well as everyone else around you), that maybe you would get a lot farther by applying some CBT techniques or the like. It's like the person who has cancer and all they focus on is how they got it instead of looking for workable treatments. Wastes a lot of precious time. There is no empirical evidence that delving into FOO is going to solve any problems. It helps in the sense that it gives you a background and foundation of that person's history but real change does not occur until you start applying some cognitive and behavioral approaches. You talk a lot about how people on this board deflect. Maybe you are using the FOO issues to avoid making legitimate changes in yourself. Not that you are not changing for the better, but I think you may get a lot farther by not focusing AS MUCH on the FOO. That goes for your W's issues too. You can blind yourself to other approaches when you see things in such a narrow way. But like you said, you are certain you are on the right track so I'm sure you won't seriously consider this option. Maybe other's will not get so bogged down on the FOO stuff though. We CAN re-write our histories Cobra. Anyone who has gone through a horrible childhood and manages to become a highly functioning adult does it all the time. I think it is safe to say they do not blame their childhoods on how they act and think today. I doubt they blame their parents or call them narcissistic, or harbor lots of anger at how their mother treated them. And even if they have done the most complete FOO psychological research, they probably did not become healthy and happy until they made a conscious choice to do so. We CAN and often should change our thoughts and feelings if it is in our best interest to do so (and the best interest of our S). Maybe you should Let Go a little. You may end up being much happier in the end. LFL
