Okay I know this is off topic but I need to vent somewhere.
This headache thing is really getting old. I can't concentrate at work, and I'm being a huge you-know-what at home. I can't get away from the pain and it's making life absolutely difficult.
So far over the course of the past week and a half I've been put on 5 different medications and nothing seems to give me immediate relief. It either has no effect or I am severely allergic. I give up!
Now H is getting annoyed with me because I'm so crabby all the time and we are arguing constantly. On Sunday we went and got a new puppy. It was a long drive and the boys were non-stop fighting in the back seat...on the way there and back. Well, when we got home my head was splitting in half and I thought I was going to die. So, I was already annoyed out of my mind. Well, SS11 decides with dinner he wants chocolate milk. Now, I wouldn't have minded except there was barely 1 sip of milk left in the carton, and it wouldn't have made any sense to waste the chocolate to make the milk for it. But NOOOOO SS11 insisted on having the last word, and in the process causing H and in launch into WWIII. I "ran away" into our bedroom, and it all some how turned out to be my fault.
I didn't want to talk to anyone, see anyone or deal with anyone at that point. Now, I don't know if many of you remember how SS11 is. But, he's always....and I mean always has to be right and have the last word. Regardless if he's in the wrong or not. I guess I should have let it go and let him have the milk. (Honestly I was thinking it would have been an inconvience to me, due to that I would have had to give SS11 something else to drink whilst in the middle of dinner.) But, hey I guess Mom is always wrong...right???
I'm at my wits ends here. H said "All you ever talk about it your stupid headaches. This is like when you had carpal tunnel, that's why I never wanted to talk to you. You make everyone else's lives miserable because you are in pain." See, when I talk about information I've learned about my possible condition he changes the subject or walks away. So, I told him that flat out...I said he doesn't act like he cares if I live or die, if I'm in pain or not, because he does this. He says he just doesn't want to hear it cause I talk about it all the time. And honestly no I don't. The headaches have been going on for a month. Yes, it consumes me because I deal with it daily.
But, I ask this question...If I can't talk to my H about this and whine to...who do I talk to about this?? So, in any case I've made a pact with myself....don't talk about it unless it's neccesary.
What doesn't help is SS11 is acting up at school. I guess his teacher told him he needs an attitude adjustment. And sadly he does. I've been forcing H to take a more active role in his school and discipline cause I'm tired of being the bad guy. I'm giving SS11 plenty of rope to hang himself. And he's done it....
I don't know, maybe I'm not coping well with the health news. Or I need a vacation. But, my head is going to explode and I don't know what to do.
Funny thing is sometimes....sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I would have told H to take a hike? These past several days have filled with lots of self doubt. My MRI is tomorrow....and I'm frightened to death. I'm sure there isn't anything there, but still.
Help!
PS
To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. - David Viscott
