I saw the thread and had to rub my eyes twice! Glad to hear things are going well in GH land, although we all miss not having you around.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
look what the cat dragged in!! I totally understand you, I also needed a breather from stewing on my sich 24/7 (I found myself starting to rehash old A wounds, so I had to walk away for a bit). So I forced myself to be away for a whole week (boy it was hard!) and now I have my limit of 1x per day, checking on our old friends and newbies who might need a hand.
So nice to "see" you, glad to hear good news from the gh front
======= the class of '06 ===== LOL mama, that's hilarious!! We've graduated with honors!!!
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Thanks guys and gals. I appreciate the kindness as always. CM, it's REALLY nice to hear from you. Long time. Do you have a thread with a current update on your sitch? I would LOVE to catch up on you. If not, please use my thread to post a summary.
Nice to check in on you and see you still alive an kickin on the Piecing board. You being one of my oldest and wisest buddies from the "Class of '06" crowd Things are not looking as well in my sitch as they are in yours, so it is nice to see you doing so well and to read of all the progress you have made, and of all the progress in your M. It gives us all hope for the growth and happy endings we are working towards. The Valentine's Day story was so lovely. Keep up the good work, GH.
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
I guess the best thing I can do since I am not around enough to follow any threads is to tell you that all can be well after sitches like yours. I'll try to play cheerleader.
If you read my entire story (you can find the links around here somewhere on my threads) you will see that mine was probably a lot like yours in some ways, maybe a bit different in others, but on the whole, it was a crap situation and it was REALLY hard to get through.
I would say that through this site, the books, and support of the great people I met here, my marriage is stronger than ever. I am one of those people who actually say that this process, the cheating (her not me), the lies, the betrayal, the pain, all of it was worth it. I really mean that.
I would NEVER suggest that anyone use this kind of thing as some kind of twisted sage for their relationship woes but if you're give lemons, well, you know what they say to do with them...
Just know that IF you learn to extract from this experience, this terrible, heart breaking experience, the copious amounts of GOOD in terms of self awareness, growth and learning to be a more compassionate human being, you can come out ahead of the game.
I know I never had to get to the point of completely giving up on my marriage, as some have to do before they get to the point where things start to turn for the better, but I was prepared to do that in the name of learning what it truly meant to be caring for myself and worrying about my own well being so that I was healthy and happy enough to provide for my kids and what was left of my family.
If nothing else, you should take away THAT lesson from all this. My wife still has that to learn. She still hasn't figured out (except for that little affair) that she needs to put herself first sometimes and take/get what she needs so she can give us what we need from her. Hell, I still defer too much and my passive/aggressive nature still lingers, but the key difference is that I now notice EVERY time I start to think that way and make a conscious decision to continue...or not.
You CAN do this. Whatever your sitch seems to be demanding of you, whatever that annoying vet on the boards keeps asking you do, you CAN do it.
You just have to realize that to get to a different marriage, one that is whole and vibrant, you have to become a different person, a whole, vibrant person. You have to be that guiding force and not let this sitch, or your wayward spouse be that anymore.
Affect change in your life and it will carry over to your marriage.
1)Wow, the subliminal mind is a b!tch...sorry OT, how'd you know I was talking about you my dear?
2) Um...no, we never did it on the trip (that was well over a year ago...ick) but we do it VERY regularly these days. Much more than before all this. Thanks for asking.
3) Thanks.
Thanks for still being here. Whatever sorry individuals have you to pester them (lol) can't possibly know how good they've got it. I do owe so much to you. I think early in my sitch you would have driven me off somewhat but you arrived just in time to deliver that spot on, harsh-a$$ advice that was just what the doctor ordered. You're one in a million.
GH Thanks for your words! I have read EVERY one of your threads when I first came here - it's amazing how all our sitch's are just like the soap operas!! You story inspires me to hang on.
My H is coming home after 3 mos of separation. He said goodbye to OW on 3/11 and they have had no contact since 3/19. He still is in a fairly selfish mode - his feelings over mine - when does this get better? I think he still misses OW slightly but the feelings are not as intense (or he is just not sharing how he is truly feeling).
He wants to come home and is ending the lease early (a positive) but will OW still be an emotional threat? Tell me when can I expect him to start thinking about my feelings? I am all about making him feel safe in our new R - but I don't feel that for me? I am afraid to push to much to soon...
This is the hardest thing I have ever had to face and sometimes I wonder will it all be worth it??? Then I think of our two kids and I know it's worth it for them - but what about me? When will I get to have someone worry about ME???? I sound so selfish right now but I am soooo tired of taking care of everyone else.... sorry for the ranting!!
You do inspire me though!!
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
Things are not looking as well in my sitch as they are in yours, so it is nice to see you doing so well and to read of all the progress you have made, and of all the progress in your M. It gives us all hope for the growth and happy endings we are working towards. The Valentine's Day story was so lovely. Keep up the good work, GH.