Your dad was not being honest and was instead projecting his anger and frustration onto others to relieve himself. Do you see that?

Listen, unless you are a farmer and a dairy farmer specifically, you have NO idea how frustrating animals can be just by themselves and especially in the context of sinking deeper and deeper into debt and losing your life's dream. Did my dad yell out of projection? Yeah he yelled at me and my brothers too but it was NEVER excessive (a couple of times a year) and it was always obvious. I really do not think you are intending to ask that my dad be PERFECT. He was usually under control but yes he could lose it at times. He was HUMAN. Just like my mom.

I was never an arbitrator. I was there for my mom to talk to. Did she talk to me too much about her personal issues? Probably but I have long since forgiven her for not being a perfect mom. She did the very best she could and I admire her for all the good things she has done. In fact I just told her that very thing this past weekend. I have written about how good she was about standing up for my brother while still disciplining him.

Personally I look at their marriage for all its flaws and their flaws and I am in AWE. They were PARTNERS in the truest sense of the word. They openly adored each other and respected each other. I will tell you something I can only hope to have a man love me like my father, despite his flaws, loves my mom. My mom was not an easy woman in some ways.

After my friend's husband left her (her parents are dairy farmers too and her mom can be "difficult" also - trust me in the 4-H dairy barn they BOTH had quite a reputation) my dad and I were talking and I carefully broached the subject of their marriage. I made a comment about how my XH and my friend's XH would have struggled even more if they had had to deal with my mom or my friend's mom (alluding to how difficult they could be). My dad gave me a LOOK and quietly said "Your mom and I did all right." I LOVE that my dad controlled the situation that way. No talk about how difficult my mom was, how hard he worked to make the marriage work, blah blah blah. Nope pretty much a quiet "Shut your mouth and do not EVER suggest anything negative about your mom."

Do I want the EXACT marriage my parents had? Of course not. But I know enough to respect their marriage.






Last edited by fearless; 03/28/07 06:55 PM.


But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus