Things are still good in GH-land. I have learned a LOT over the past year+ but I think these days, the lesson that IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT ME is the one that serves me the most. I have come to learn that a lot of our ML issues stem from, and have ALWAYS stemmed from my W's poor self-image. Now that we have been MLing regularly for several months now, I am noticing (that's what happens when you pay attention, lol) that when my W works out and keeps her weight where she likes it, we ML a LOT, much more than EVER before. When she is not happy with herself, either because she's put on a few pounds (I don't notice, she does) or just the fact that she's not working out as much as she'd like, we ML much less frequently. Of course, she'll never SAY all that...well...she did a few weeks ago and I really paid attention.
Anyway, so now I don't take things like rejection by her so personally. The OM helped her feel good about herself because he was an extremely fit guy who encouraged her to get in shape and, well, other things. I was an out of shape, lazy husband who inspired...not much. That's all changed. I am in shape, eating MUCH better and totally supportive of my W's desire to be fit (I used to just brush her off saying "you look great, why do you need to do all that).
OM is 99% gone from the picture...other than that little call a few weeks ago from OM's brother saying OM was in the hospital after a suicide attempt...of course he blamed my W and their "breakup" for it. She had a bad reaction to that but as far as I know, she told me right after the call and didn't talk to OM directly or see him at all. She claims NO contact other than one phone call a couple months ago for about 7 months now. I think it's true, but no matter, we are doing great.
We're planning a trip this summer, just the two of us for our 10th year anniversary (wow, there was a long time there when I didn't think that would ever happen).
We communicate MUCH better now. We fight much better, i.e. we fight now instead of dueling passive/aggressive behavior
I still have anger issues to deal with, mainly yelling a lot a the kids but at least I am aware of it and it rarely carries over past the first outburst. In the past I used to be angry a lot, for a long time, now it's just a few minutes here and there when they are particularly bad. I want to control myself more, and am working on that.
I am also working on keeping the romance alive in my R, and despite a predictable return to the pre-affair "normal" life we live, I am still VERY aware of letting things get stale again and try, whenever possible, to stir it up so-to-speak.
I will be back here from time to time and hopefully there will come a time when I will spend more time than just these few minutes to update my own sitch.
As always thanks to Michelle for writing her books and equally as much to you all for helping me apply her, and other people's philosophies, to my own sitch.
