He is leaving to be alone to THINK - now what?

[Doe]

He told me he still loves and respect me and the kids but he has to do what he has to do (I do not know what this means exactly, probably meaning he has to properly let OW go because he did her wrong with the abortion stuff). He "promised" that he will answer any invasive question and agree to all restrictions when he comes back.


Am i reading this right OurCrisis - you told him it was HIS choice as to whether he came back??? After she spent the night there? Oh no, that was the deal breaker. He was leaving "to be alone" remember? Respects you? Bollocks. He doesn't and he won't as long as you let him make all the choices - he's incapable of it at the moment. So this is where i recommend you start showing some respect for YOURSELF. He is behaving like a teenager - he has to do what he has to do? Basically sounds like shag her while you wait on the sidelines to me in agony - where is the respect for you in that? You need to show him that there are consequences to his selfish teenage actions. No communication is a GOOD start - but you now need to find a way to tell him you are reconsidering your whole future together and he may not feature in it. You are hurt but you are also thinking very sensibly in my opinion - you are thinking what will be the worth of a marriage that he basically comes back to when he has exhausted his other options. He needs to show commitment SOON or you will value the marriage as little as he currently does. You are at a watershed now OurCrisis. I would advise giving him the above information - that he will not feature in your life if he doesn't give you commitment to no contact with her and i would give him a VERY short period of grace before the decision needs to be made - say 24 hours. He will dither for EVER if you will stand on the sidelines and wait!

Do you know what my h said when i found him in bed with his OW? (yup he had left "to be alone" too). He told me he HAD to let her sleep with him because he felt sorry for her - he had already decided he loved me more and to stay with me and he felt sorry for her and had to be gentle to her because i had "won" him - what a prize!!! Jerk. When i told him i wasn't sure if i wanted my winnings and needed time to think about my future he quickly discovered how very much he loved me - he panicked and booted her into touch straight away. He had been SO full of himself all those months he thought he had us both on a string, he literally fell to pieces when faced with the consequences of his actions. Be brave OurCrisis! You are coping amazingly well and if you decide you don't want him or can trust him again, you WILL be just fine.