iluvme - Thank you for your support! Our sitch's do sound extremely similar. I am sorry for all that you have been through! I know it is hard but don't buy into any of the negative stuff he says to you. Through counseling I learned about projection and how some (or maybe all) of the stuff my H says to me is really a reflection of how he is feeling and since he feels so bad about himself and the sitch he is projecting that onto me to make me feel worse then I already do and in some way that makes him feel better. Thinking this way has helped me to stop blaming myself for everything as well as taking all of my H's feelings and problems on myself. I am not always succesful in thinking this way but it has helped a lot. It still amazes me though how quickly our H's can turn on us and have no feeling whatsoever about it! Also, how they can play of our vulnerabilities. My H does this every chance he can get, especially financially!
As far as me moving out I still have mixed feelings about it. I currently live with my best friend so of course that is awesome and not being at my house with H has helped me tremendously because I think being out of the situation has helped me to heal and start to move on faster then I would if I was still there. Also, when I was home I was walking on egg shells as to not upset H and that is really no way to live. Not being there has improved my PMA! On the other hand I am angry that I was tricked into moving out and giving up the comforts of my own home. Right now it seems my H is living the high life and getting everything he wants...
Originally Posted By: iluvme
Hi Gina, Did your H still carried small talk with you? He seems like my H, angry at you and not remorseful.
It was up and down. On good days H did still carry on small talk but it was mostly about him. On bad days he was like your husband and be cold to me and flaunt how fabulous his new life is. He acted (and still does) like he was entitled to treat me anyway he chose.
Originally Posted By: iluvme
Do you question how your H can simply detach himself and be a complete stranger to you?
EVERYDAY!! It amazes me he can do this. When this whole thing started it is like one day everything was fine and the very next my whole world changed. It is like he changed overnight and has not been the same since!
Originally Posted By: iluvme
How have you been emotionally living w/o H? Do you find it hard to be at his pace about the sitch? My H told me he was finally at "peace with himself" when he dropped the bomb.
Emotionally I am okay. I have good and bad days though. Some days I am just really angry, others I am really sad, and then there are some days I am okay with the sitch and am at peace with it. I seem to have more angry and sad days though! And yes, I do find it hard to be at his pace with the sitch. He is far more over this then I am. Sounds like it is the same for you and your H :(! My H told me he was relieved when I found out about the A because now he could stop living a lie...Ugh!
Originally Posted By: iluvme
What happened to being the bigger person if this is really what you want? How come they want everything to only benefit them?
There is the million dollar question...
Most everyone I talk to says the same thing about me being young and moving on. I do agree and I am trying my best to do that! The part I have trouble with is that I take my marriage vows so seriously that sometimes I have trouble seeing past that. On the other hand I have been thinking more about whether or not I want to be with the person my H has turned into and right now the answer is no. You are right he is not mature of enough to face the issues in our M and is running away from them. Unfortunately, he has always tended to run away from challenges rather then face them. It just sucks that now he is doing that to me and our marriage. So I guess on my end I am confused about what I want as well. My sitch has definitly given me the opportunity to re-evaluate my life and what I want for it.
Utlimately, I think my judgement is clouded by the hurt and pain that H has caused me. This is getting better and I am trying my best to focus on me and let H's problems be his problems that he needs to deal with and work out. Who knows what is going to happen in the future but I know I need to not worry about it and do what is best for me!
