One step back....all advice welcome

[fearless]

[b]Maybe some of those Gen Y kids suffer from having been forced to live up to that perfect family image and have little self knowledge. Like CAC4's FOO, these kids spent their time trying to please others, the parents, who were actually shaming the kids into presenting the perfect image to sooth the needs of the parents. So once again, the kids lose.

Could you need to always please, find compromise and avoid hurt feelings have similar roots?[/b

1)My best friend told me a few weeks ago that I was an unusual person for having such a LARGE sense of self-knowledge and while I am still searching, and always will be, I do feel like I am self-aware. I know enough to know that I don't know everything!

2) My family had no such illusion of perfectness. Nothing was really wrong; it's just that my family tended to be pretty blunt, open and argumentative. We also dealt with a lot of financial issues as a family while my parents lost their farm.

3) I do have a feeling of trying to sooth feelings especially for those I feel are unfairly attacked, don't have the means for defense, etc. My mom had a difficult time and I did want to take care of her but in NO way was it about a perfect image. My mom clearly stated to me that while she wanted my brothers and I to be successful for ourselves, SHE had no need for us to do anything specific for HER.

4) and most importantly, I do not have a need to always please. A need for perfection, in some areas, is not the same as a need to please in my case. I do look for compromise when possible although I do it for practical purposes of getting my needs met. And hurt feelings - why would I want to hurt someone's feeling if I do not mean to? Does hurting someone's feelings get a point across more clearly? I don't think so.

Cobra,

I appreciate your interest in my issues because it is useful to step back and look at them. I did talk to friends and family about the control issue and none of them felt that AT ALL.

I have noticed that over the past month any time I continue directing questions at you; you do not answer my questions but begin asking me questions. I am OK with that because I do not HAVE to know but I hope you will take some time and figure out whether you are doing that consciously or unconsciously.

Either way, I hope you also figure out why it is hard to look at these issues directly.