Just Coming to Terms With EA!

[iluvme]

Hi Gina,

Welcome and a big (((HUG))) to you. Gosh, I was struck by the similarities of what effect an EA can have on the WAS. My H said those same lines to me! I was truly devasted b/c I would never even say those things to him in a million years. When you set up the separation agreement, you were probably so raw with hurt that you didn't realize that his plan was working.

My H set everything up so the kids are in daycare & kindergarten and then his mom helped out. I felt useless and he treated me like I was nothing when I was there. My self esteem was completely shot, I found out about OW, he made me feel like a horrible mother, wife, and housekeeper and I was in the way of his happiness. I just couldn't stay to have that thrown in my face everyday. Aside from that, everything was so tense and if we had any conversation at all it was a fight. I wasn't eating, sleeping, and just functioning like a robot to get the kids around. Then when the kids were at daycare, i felt like a loser. I just knew I was being replaced by OW, his mom, and anything that had my stamp in it was gone. I also have some gyn issues that puts physical strain on me daily if I don't rest.

So I moved out but not completely b/c I go half the wk to be with kids. I thought this was the best way to give him sapce and to regain my health and sanity. But my point being, it's actually not bad to leave the sitch b/c you may be more be more sad, angry, or depressed being in the same home with him. Did your H still carried small talk with you? He seems like my H, angry at you and not remorseful.

My H was either completely cold and angry or walked around like he is so proud that he did the right thing. It was sick to watch his behaviour. It is so much harder to go thru with kids. He made sure that he didn't help me w/ the kids even when he is in the house and they ask for him. He would make snide comments in front of kids about my care for them if I don't follow "his" routine. It's hard to see everything "separate" when you're still under same roof and share kids. I know his life is moving forward and mine is a complete halt.

Like your H, mine wasn't going to move out. He knows he can afford it and do everything to stay. I think that was the psych battle that I lost. Do you question how your H can simply detach himself and be a complete stranger to you? I don't know if it is b/c we are the dumpee vs. the dumper.

How have you been emotionally living w/o H? Do you find it hard to be at his pace about the sitch? My H told me he was finally at "peace with himself" when he dropped the bomb. I was not ready for anything! I have been taking respite part-time almost 2 months too but my H just emailed me about finances and said "Let's just get it over with." Oh, I think I suggested that we stop wasting money on the lawyers and use it for Disney World vacation with the kids. I guess that was a NO!

But you have only been married for 2.5 yrs and no kids. Consider that a Get Out of Free Jail Card. But living on your own has many perks right now. You don't have the daily reminders assoc. with the house and dreams etc... You can do whatever you want and not answer to anyone or be judged anyone. It is hard to walk on eggshells in fear of the BIG D. Take this time to get your mind in a healthy place and busy yourself with life. You are too young to pine away for this guy who has not cut the strings from ex-gf or not mature enough to face the issues in your M that he needed an escape route. Aside from that, I don't think he is worthy of your you. He wants you out of his life and he wants to make out financially stronger knowing that you are so vulnerable right now. I can't believe my H is like that too. What happened to being the bigger person if this is really what you want? How come they want everything to only benefit them?

Arrrgh, your post it a sore spot for me tonite b/c of it's similarities. Take it from me, walk away and take your life back. He can't make you happy right now and he doesn't want to. You have no strings and a whole new world waiting for you. Jump on it. If he sees clearly after a couple of months, think about it and maybe you won't even like him. His loss!