Life goes on, and it ain't about Job

[81388*]

Theo;
I hope through all of this you find your way back to ministry.

"I am counted with them that go down into the pit: I am as a man that hath no strength:"

I know that I do not have the strength to fight this battle, I alone can not stand in the face of this, what I want, I want so badly, I am not sure that I am willing to accept God's will. How could his will be any less than the restoration of my marriage?, how could he choose to leave me so lost and confused?, what is it that I am supposed to be learning?

I have loved my wife, not perfectly, but to the best of my ability. I had faith that we, as one fleash, could overcome all adversity, I have trusted her when rational thought said I shouldn't, I have tried so hard to show her how much I love her and would do anything for her and our family. I have touched her often and lovingly, I have praised her and supported her, I have shared with her the importance of my faith and where it is leading me and asked her to be a part of it, I have told her how proud I am of her, I have picked up the slack when it needed to be and let her go when it seemed like that is what she needed, I have been strong and passionate, and quiet and still.

This could be the ramblings of a LBS, but I have gone through the box of keepsakes, I have read the birthday, anniversary, mother's day, thank yous, and other cards. I have seen the ticket stubbs from concerts and movies that we saw a quarter of a century ago, I have read the poems, and looked at the replies to the notes I sent.

What is it that I am called to do?

I guess I know that answer, I am called to stand.

I talked to my wife today for the first time in 4 days. I have friends in for the weekend, and asked her if she wanted to come over with the kids, she said it sounds like fun, what can she bring? I told her to bring herself, oh, and bring the kids as well, but I had everything else covered. She then told me that she had made a deposit in the joint account and paid her truck payment from that account. I checked online, sure enough!

I am so confused!