Fearless:
I do not feel like the LL concept has been fully understood if someone believes that the LL need can be met outside the relationship and still solidify the relationship.

NOPkins:
I believe that Chapman even lists examples of needs being partially met outside of the relationship, but it has been a good while since I read his book. I know that Harley does site exceptions.

I understand the confusion. The LL concept is about RELATIONSHIP needs. These LL are how people in a relationship express and feel love for each other.

The LL concept is not about the personal needs that someone has for their own fulfillment, self-esteem, integrity, etc. Those needs need to be met internal by the person and obviously can include outside involvement.

I absolutely do not want a relationship that is so exclusive that there is not room for anyone or anything else. What if I love reading and want to join a book club to meet that need and my SO isn't interested? No problem. The same if he wants to lift weights and hang out at the gym occasionally. Those are different needs than relationship needs.

The point again is that this LL concept that Chapman wrote about IS exclusively about a couple. I would stress that all 5LLs are equal in how a person feels them from their partner. The way I look at it is the LL is how I can FEEL that my partner loves me. And in reverse I think the LL is even easier to define. It is the one that leaves you empty inside and feeling confused about your spouses feeling toward you. For example, my XH occasionally bought gifts for me that I appreciated but when he didn't buy gifts for Christmas or birthdays I never felt anything was missing. The same with acts of service. Words of affirmation were more noticeable with Physical touch even closer to the top but Quality Time was the one LL that when withdrawn sent me into a spiral of confusion about my XH's feelings toward me. It PHYSICALLY hurt to not know how to KNOW that he loved me.

I hope that better explains why I and I assume MrsCAC4 feel so strongly that all LLs are equal.



But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus