Well, here goes the update. I was about to post this long story of H deciding that he wants a D because he just can't forgive himself. I had taken my rings off and was in Las Vegas doing some flirting last week and getting somewhere too....got a nice massage out of all of it...but anyways

While I was in Las Vegas, for work, H and I had talked throughout the week. I told him that when I got back that I was going to find a lawyer and file. He kept acting like it wasn't what he wanted but yet was telling me that he thought it was best. I get a call Thursday night while I was at the airport about to head home. It was H and he was talking casually to me while driving back from his lunch break (he works nights). This is a little of what was said.....
Me: Hi
H: What are you doing?
Me: I am at the airport.
H: Oh, I will let you go if you are busy
Me: No, we are just heading over to our gate. What's up?
H: Nothing.....
Me: Are you on a break?
H: Yeah...(long pause)I am heading back from my lunch break
Me: Oh. What's wrong?
H: I left.
Me: Left what?
H: Left OW
Me: Oh my gosh, what happened?
H: She came home drunk again, pretty sloshed, and I decided that I had enough. I told her that she needed to get some help because obviously you don't want mine.
Me: Wow... (at this point he was pretty upset)
H: I went and packed up my stuff and kept telling myself to keep packing and not to talk to her. This is the right thing to do.
Me: Ok
H: I am just scared because I don't have anywhere to go
Me: Let me call mom and have her unlock the door. Go upstairs and lay down.
H: Ok.....I don't know if I am going to stay at work.
Me: Ok, I will call mom and call you back
H: Ok

So the call pretty much ended there. He called me a few more times while I was waiting on my flight, which ended up getting cancelled and stranding me in Las Vegas for an extra 1 1/2 days. (Normally I would be excited but when I have a marital reconciliation on the verge, i really wanted to get home.) He called me to let me know that she kept calling and beggin him to come home. He kept telling her no. So for the next day or so while I was stuck in Las Vegas, he would call me and I would comfort him and let him know that he did the right thing. It really hit him that I was going to have a future with or without him when I told him that I had been offered drinks from some guys at the Hard Rock Cafe.

So, H is now home and we are working on things. I asked him the other night what he wanted. He said that he wanted us to start fresh like we have been for the past few days. That we can't go back to where our M was before the A began because it was not good. I agreed with him. He also said that it is going to take some time to get used to the changes that we have made in ourselves.

We went to the movies Saturday night after he picked me up at the airport. We saw "Reign Over Me" very good by the way. A the end, the character calls his wife and tells her that he does know why he is shutting her out but he is. He said that he won't do it anymore and that he loves her. Very ironic. This is what H did to me, shut me out. I looked over and H said "WOW" and was crying. When we left, he said that the last phone call on the movie really hit hard.

This is just hard because I just want to hug him and be with him but I know that I need to let him make the first move.

So, i will probably be moving to piecing soon. Just trying to take one day at a time. If anyone has some great knowledge to share, please do so!

"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."