OK, because H has posted a reply to fearless & cobra, I'm taking that as a green light to post a few more thoughts. I admit that sometimes it isn't easy having this "public" dialog, but I can take it.

Now is the time for a boundary... not justifying your position. So do you want to be right, or do you want to solve the problem?

That's just it--how do I set a boundary about this? What would you do? I have very little practice with boundaries and lots of practice convincing myself I don't deserve anything, therefore not setting them. I do want to solve the problem, else I wouldn't have come on here in the first place. And it's not that I want to be "right." I don't think that's my issue. I just don't want to feel like I'm "wrong" all the time. Anyone who can give me advice on setting boundaries, please do.

You obviously have your own finances, and issues pertaining to them. Solve the problem.

The finances aren't the problem. And when I was backing up my files on the zip disks there was no problem. It really comes down to a differing opinion on how to back up the files. H has a point about the added safety of backing them up at another location in case of a fire at home. Yet, hairdog says it's not a good idea to have our personal files on the company network. H, I'm sure, would think this isn't a problem either. So is this where I set the boundary? Do I do what I want here, even if it's not the best method?

Don't blame Cac for not responding to you in a way you would prefer. Set a boundary. If he wants to be blah, blah, blah, he gets to do that (good decision or bad). That doesn't mean you have to tolerate someone's disrespect. But you cannot control it.

Again, I don't know how to do this. I thought I was being disrespected so I was attempting to "not tolerate" it. I don't think I succeeded. I think the opinions here are mixed. How does H say what he wants however he wants and I set my boundary at the same time? I honestly have no clue. What would you (or anyone else) do?

Your emotions are your own. And while understandable (at least to me), they don't really 'help' you in solving problems. They just help you justify a position (right, wrong or indifferent).

I'm confused on this point too. Some people here are trying to get their Ws to understand the pain that they feel when they are rejected sexually. It's not about sex; it's about how the HDs FEEL when they can't ML to their Ws -- unloved. I do understand the pain that H was feeling because he felt unloved. That's one reason why I have resolved to do what I can to improve the SL. The only problem is, I don't think H "gets" the reasons that I feel unloved. And I can't help but think that sex sometimes gets put on a higher pedestal than other LLs. It seems that way to me sometimes.

This is the reason (well one anyway) that I started this thread. I am now feeling unloved just as H was when he wasn't getting much sex, because I still don't think he gets it. Yet, when I tried to explain what I was feeling (I didn't use the word "unloved" because it wasn't on the NVC list) I believe I was dismissed by several people, including H. I am CHANGING my behavior to try to improve the SL, is it wrong for me to expect him to change his?

I came to understand that I wasn't open to H's idea of love (sex) so I decided I should start being open to it. Even if it doesn't quite make sense to me, I should just accept that this is how he feels loved and try to love him that way. And I have been.

H knows that my LLs are quality time and words of affirmation. But where are the words of affirmation? I don't find sarcasm to be affirming. I have said many times how hurtful sarcasm is TO ME, yet, H still continues to use it. H pointed out to me some time ago that men are frequently bashed in today's feminist society, for example, being portrayed as hapless, childish buffoons on sitcoms. Everyone Loves Raymond is an example. He has opened my eyes to this trend and I have noted that this upsets him. After a while, I came to see that he had a valid point. On the few opportunities that he has pointed out things like this that upset him, I have tried (not always successfully) to respect this and see his POV and change my behavior if possible. I'm only asking for the same courtesy from him. This is what I wanted on Sunday. I still don't think I've gotten it. Does this make me want to be right? I don't believe it does. It makes me want to be EQUAL, to receive the same respect and courtesies that I've been trying to show to him. I thought that telling him how I felt was the way to go about it.