Hi unbroken, Luckily, I am in counseling...once a week since he has left...she helps me but this blow of the papers and the demands is killing me.
I can't believe a person I loved and respected so much could do this...I did not know we had a bad marriage...actually everyone thought (including me) it was pretty good!
I can't believe a person I loved and respected so much could do this...I did not know we had a bad marriage...actually everyone thought (including me) it was pretty good!
I could of written this. I mean could I of possibly been just blind to my H's unhappiness all these years? I would like to think not. It is said here on the bbs that if they were that unhappy, they would of left years ago. I think we have to try and remember that our H are not our H right now. Yes, it's their body, but their mind has been abducted and exchanged for an alien's brain.
Don't say anything, just be pleasant (in front of him), get into therapy for your sanity and focus on healing and being strong. I remember going through some really extreme and painful emotions. I think a positive type of "hybernation" for the time being-- where you are totally focusing in on yourself and doing things for YOU is good. I remember sleeping and shopping a lot at the time. Find some local friends others who are single or divorcing to GAL with.
Expect your husband to be really mean and evil. Mine did!!! But be pleasant in spite of it. In the long run, regardless of what happens, it will be best for everyone involved. Also, look at it this way.. it doesn't hurt to DB and you lose nothing trying (as long as you are protecting yourself legally which you'd have to do anyway).
Read books on MLC, DBing, relationships, positive messages, etc...
And don't feel too bad it you have to shut down for awhile, sleep and cry. That's pretty normal. Eventually you'll feel better. Hang in there.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Hi Mom, Ugh, I know how you feel. For your own sanity, don't say anything.
In the beginning, my H was furious with me about everything. He would ask me questions about our past and when I answered them, he would blow up again and again. I couldn't say or do anything right. It got to a point where all I did was just validate everything he said. Even if he asked me a question, I wouldn't really answer it, I would just turn it around into a validation statement. Some people might see this as cake-walking, just letting him say and do whatever he wants...to tell you the truth, I never felt more in control than when I was calmy validating whatever he shot at me.
I'm not going to add to the wonderful advice you've gotten the last day or so. Just wanted to add my support--this can be a really, really tough time right after they serve.
I hope you were able to get in to see your L today.
I could not see my L today...tomorrow at 4...My L was so mad about the paperwork, told me they are trying to scare me. WELL they did! H picked up the kids tonight and did not even wish D5 a happy birthday! He brought back the tax papers he took. I did not say anything to him at all...also H made some bogus excuse about not giving me alot of money this week b/c of the new pay scale...I told him that was fine and if I couldn't pay the mortgage then I wouldn't.
I can't talk to him at all! I am not going to be pleasant b/c I am not fake!! I figure if I don't really talk to him then I will not say anything I will regret later.... I will hold my tongue for the time being...I still want to slap him upside the head and tell him how stupid he is being!
mrsH, NOOO we are not blind! they are stupid! My husband has no b@lls and can't stand up to temptation!! His stupid fault all this is happening!! My H will do what yours did with your counter file...I know he will pull a nutty!! I REALLY DO NOT CARE...I am also asking for full custody of the girls...he can see them but he does it so irregularly anyway that why should I have to make decisions about them with him?? I think the only reason he takes them right now is because it makes him look good...ex..p/u at 6:30pm, D1 will be asleep by 7 pm..D5 by 8 pm and I will p/u at 7 am tomorrow morning??? please tell me where you see quality time???
Oh no Rosy....He filed...did you read the sitch...I got served in the middle of the mall with my 2 kids....Its absolutely sickening...H wants everything including my car.
H is also giving me 1/2 $$ than he should be.
Do you think I should tell him I don't want D or just let it go because everything I say falls on deaf ears?
He has removed things from the house without telling me...changed a credit card acct # without telling me and charged up a fortune. He is being so sneaky!
I need to see L today to answer complaint and hopefully protect me and the girls~!~
sorry mom, I do remember reading that. I try to keep up on so many so sorry for the mix up. I think at this point you need to file an answer and maybe a counter-complaint to protect yourself from this point forward. You don't have to tell him you don't want a d at this point, I'm sure he knows that. Filing the answer is all business. It depends on how far you want to go with the counter-complaint. I'm sure your L will explain all of this to you. Good luck.
Me 31 WAH 30 M 5 Together 14 years S 4 divorced 7/11/07
