Valentines day massacre

[outtaluck]

Thanks LN...

It is really surprising how supportive my family has been...didn't expect it at all....turns out the same thing happened to my Uncle many years ago, so he really understood what I'm going through.

Haven't had much contact with her today cept her telling me she dropped her phone and it doesn't work anymore....did I mention she had the ringtone Nelly Furtado with the chorus "you don't mean nothing at all to me.." I wanted to smash that phone so many times...this saves me the trouble :-)

She seems really pissy lately...not just with me but everyone...I been keeping my distance...got enough troubles without her extra drama...

Its kinda fun when shes so pissed...almost want to tell her I love her just to watch her flip out :-)

She slept on couch last night so no massage for her....just gives me extra room on the bed....sure I miss her sleeping next to me, but not gonna ask her in.

I put my ring back on today....just for me...missed it...I only took it off for her to take the pressure off....but I'm not the one giving up here...want to remind myself of that as she drifts further away...may take it off again in the future but for now heck with it....almost want to piss her off :-)

Heres the thing thats bugging me today....she been bugging me to tell my best friend about all this...thinks its my place to do so and doesn't want to tell his wife first...He was my best man...I was his... I don't know...this is just so hard for me...I'm crying right now thinking about it...and he's due to call in a little bit...

I think its just the finallity of it all...that yes, for the moment it is over....like it or not...and telling him kinda seals that deal...make any sense.

Its not exactly the kind of thing I want to shout from the rooftops, y'know?

Maybe I just don't want to admit it to myself...I been doing better...just that when I think that of the day it really will end...final day...kaput...thats it...no more.... It still breaks my heart. Kinda looking at the day I move out as that day...

I know, maybe not...maybe seperation will bring us closer....but I just dread that day right now :-(