Whenever you are near listen, ask lots and lots of questions, let her feel heard and important. Say things that make her feel more important to you or help build her up so she doesn't feel like a shadow. This will probably take time and maybe practice on your part. Usually something like this doesn't go away too quickly.
I'm having similar problems with my husband's family. I always feel like my husband puts his sisters and others first before me and because this has happened over many years, it's a long and painful problem. Oftentimes I just wish I were married to someone whose family liked me.... I have a very bad uncomfortable feeling when I'm with them.
I think you need to talk with your wife about what would make her feel comfortable. Should you visit your parents separately from her? Maybe limit the times you get together with them? How much does she want, or not want to be included? You will need to find a compromise she's comfortable with.
It's funny, I can tell you this but I'm having a hard time living it. There's a part of me that just wants to walk out of my marriage because I'm so tired of dealing with my husband's family and how they've ignored my existence for 20 years. Somehow I'm suppose to be happy spending holidays and special time with people who wouldn't care if I died tomorrow.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
