I just glanced at your thread on MLC a moment ago and realized you've gone through similar extended family stuff. I'll go back and read it through more carefully later today....
Cat,
My son is 12 and unfortunately he has a lot to deal with right now. Normal puberty, high functioning autism, difficulty making friends, some minor learning difficulties...etc... About 2 years ago we moved out of a neighborhood where there were about 15 boys his age and he had tons of friends. Now he has none and his best friend from elementary school moved out of state. Also, the two other friends in that group started shunning him in Jr. High... so he has to try making new friends. Not easy when you're autistic, have had a lot of rejection because you're kind of quirky and don't always know *how* to make friends.
Anyhow, the divorce only added more to the equation.
Fortunately the school was very concerned about my son's story. They now consider him a suicide risk, and immediately offered to provide weekly counseling.
I know not all kids take divorce this hard or react this strongly to it, but so often people just don't realize the damage they are doing to their children. Or just how much more divorce can add to problems children may already have. It's like the tip of the iceberg for some who are just trying to get through rough years.
I will think about how I might help him confront fears. Just getting him to talk can be a major challenge. One little thing that I think helps is I read him Calvin and Hobbes (books of the comic strip) every evening. Bringing humor and lightheartedness in can be healing.
This will help you understand what your son will go through if a divorce occurs, and may help you lessen some of the effects. Also, if you or your husband are children of divorce (like me), you may learn some things about yourself.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
