need a little encouragement

[cat03]

I told him that I did want him to move home. He said, "well, I have just been waiting for you to say that you wanted me to." I must be reading him wrong. I thought he was in control , not me..
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Bottom line, do you want him home yes or no? It's time to drop all games and coy answers, either you show him you accept him into your life or not, you are hoping he doesn't renew the lease yet you tell him you dont' want him to move, so dont' be dissapointed if he does renew his lease. He needs your acceptance right now.

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So I still know that he is not ready to say it yet. I feel like he won't open up to me all the way. Like he is afraid to
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I'm sorry, I had to smile when I read that. My H is back for about a yr now, and still he hasn't opened all the way, he still can't say ILY. We are a much better couple and our M 100 times better, but his healing has taken a looooooooooong time. Your H is VERY scared, he doesn't know if things will work, lots of WAH don't come back for that very reason, think it will never work.
Prove him wrong, show him you married him for better or worse.

It is way too early to expect him to fully trust you and love you as soon as he gets back, not because you both dont' deserve a lovign M, but because so much has happen and BOTH of you need to build love and trust in each other again.

It was hard for him to break it off with OW
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That is also another reason why he can't fully give of himself, he is grieving that connection he had, since As are sort of like crutches, he also needs time to leave that R behind, however flawed it was. My H felts worthless and like a failure after the R with the ow didn't work out, he was like a zombie for a few months.

I wonder should I say I Love you every now and then just to remind him that I do. Even though he knows. Or should I wait for him to say it. I don't want to say it knowing that I might not get one back.
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Say it without expecting it back, say it becuase your heart feels it. I did it, I never got one back, but he did hugged me tighter. You give of what your heart stores, don't with hold your love.

I need some reassurance from him.
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Some Hs are able to reasure their Ws, some are not. My H couldnt' give me the slightest reasurance and I had to learn to cope on my own. It isnt' easy and it hurts, but I learned to work on myself and to learn to make myself happy and not rely on him to improve my mood, this process is hard to learn but it is so worth it. Your H may or may not be able to do so.

2 months ago, it was no way am I coming back.
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Yes! focus on what you have now, you have come a long way. Baby steps are what you need to focus on now, you can't have it all now, you need to give him lots of time.
Sometimes I'd loose hope, even despaired and wondered if we made a mistake by getting back together. It's part of the healing process, my H even put it as "1 step forward, 2 steps back". So, expect downfalls, they will come, but know that are a part of your healing, and don't loose hope, fall gently, with grace.

Because he had mixed issues as of why he left, they have to be addressed now, neither of you wants more of the same, it made a huge difference when my H and I had MC after he came back, we grew to understand each other and embrace our differences and deal with each other's wounds.

I'm posting a list of great great books, the first one helped me find my way to heal:
"healing the hurt in your marriage"

A great read, for wives who dont' know why their Hs leave is "the proper care and feeding of husbands"

The first months of piecing are hard, but trust me, you will have a much better M that you had before. Love like you haven't been hurt. Over all, know that it takes many months.