Thank you for your thoughts on the insecurity. It makes sense it will take a long time I suppose - I just hate feeling like it. I feel sick.
Unfortunately today I feel like I'm back to square one with it all. Yesterday when H came home from work I had to run a quick errand in the car. I was only gone twenty minutes and left S at home with H. I returned to find the W from work who I thought he might be having an A with because he was texting her so much stood in my kitchen. I handled it extremely well at the time I think by just saying H I hadn't got the message he'd sent me to get wine until I was nearly home and then he introduced us to each other (like I already met her when we were separated - duh) and I put on my biggest friendliest smiley face even though I was hurt and confused and seething and said hello. She mumbled a hello and gave me a filthy look and then left. H's explanation is that she rang about something to do with work and he said "I'm at home why don't you pop in". I have so many problems with this. He thinks it prooves nothing was ever going on and thought I was OK with it all now and says in hindsight it was a stupid thing to do and was mortified about how upset I was. I'm thinking did he lie all along, why would she come to our house if she can't even bare to look at me or be civil? Why was she like that with me. Why would H invite her. Would he have invited her if I was there? Is there something going on? H says he can't remember if he told her I was there or not and that he thinks he would have still said to pop round if I had been there. I don't know why I feel like this when I believe him that nothing happened. I feel crushed and hurt but also feel as though I'm in the wrong because any other colleague of his and I wouldn't have batted an eyelid. H thinks we made it up last night and it is all OK but I hardly slept thinking of more and more reasons why his story didn't add up and have felt upset all day.....just when things were starting to be fantastic. I;m not sure how long I can carry on fixing this M feeling so insecure and not knowing for sure if he is telling the truth.
