For me, there is nothing wrong with the statement "YOU DID something different than I want or need/wrong/etc." The problem is that dependent upon the other person's shame level they may interpret that statement as "something is wrong with me" but that IS NOT what the first person said. So for me the key is not for the first person to necessarily change but for them to be aware of the other person's issue and to HELP them work through it.
You are technically correct. But to the dysfunctional person, that is irrelevant. They hear what they hear because of the filters they wear. Stop trying to argue the point that the person should not have those filters. They do, whether you or they like it. By not acknowledging this, you wear your own set of filters.
