YOu know your marriage better than any of us, and believe me, I understand with a complete and total depth the pain that infidelity causes, but as someone who has been around for a while I will tell you this: Your focus on ow is very unhealthy. I know it is hard, but you MUST try to move beyond obsessing about her.
I did it too, still do to some degree, but it's better than it was. If she is a skank ho then give her the attention you would give a skank ho--NONE. When you call her or bring her up to your H or your friends and family you are infusing her with far more credit and power than she deserves. At least with H, pretend she is a no-body (here you can vent all you like, that's what's great about this forum).
Telling him that she is a low life will only put his focus on her more and you want his focus to come away from her. "What you focus on expands" that was a phrase I heard around here a lot when i first started posting.
As for ow seeing the kids, there is nothing you can do legally but you can tell your H something like this: "It is my policy as a mother that, for my children's sake and for their future mental health and well being, that you not expose them to your relationship with ow. Children are very vulnerable and I have read that the effects of adultery on children show up much later in life. Please respect our family and children enough not to harm the people you love most in the world." Obviously he has his priorities all screwed up but give him the benefit of the doubt and set the standard for good and reasonable behavior.
YOu have to place emphasis on your concern for your kids and remember, knowledge is power!
My lawyer told me that it would be very difficult if not impossible to have anything written into the D that prevents my kids fro being around ow, BUT he did say we could have written in there NO OVERNIGHTS while ow is there.
Remember you are your children's advocate and one of the most important things you can do for them during this time is to try to facilitate a good relationship with their father. I KNOW this is hard and a part of you wants them to hate him for this, but your children will be so much better off if they can see mommy and daddy being kind to one another. One of the biggest heart-aches for kids, beyond even the divorce, is seeing their mother and father become hateful toward one another--they are afterall half of each of you and forever bound by blood.
Good luck, it is an awful journey we are on but believe it or not, life can be better than it ever was--when one door closes, another one opens.
