Its amazing... I am starting to live...

[Cissy]

I am very happy for you, too. I can't believe he is going to be leaving so soon after he just came home. But, you can handle it! You sound really strong. Let us know how you are doing.

cissy

[Delil@h]

He still unfortunately has the dreaded Tattoo,, hopefully one day he will cover it.
...but he will have to do it on his own.
I DO KNOW~!
I will mention it~!

I meant to say I will NOT mention it!
I will not for awhile and I will not let it bother me as best I can...

Yesterday on a side note my D8 came into the room and MY H said " honey I do not have a shirt on.." ( the Tattoo , I think he is finally embarrassed @ it)


So I told her to leave the room daddy is tired.... and later she comes back in and I really and truly forgot @ the tattoo.

I used to worry about her/the kids reading it all the time cause she is soooooooo smart but I have let that go. And so what does she do?

I was laying next to my H facing the tv and my daughter was laying on the other side of him and starts reading the tattoo and sounding out the OW's name... I almost passed out but not b/c I was mad or hurt.. Just because.


Well she sounds out XX and then XXXXXXXX and my H is feeling I dunno what and he says to me like pleading for help "HONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "
I did not say a word. ( should I have ?)

and then our D8 says " What does that say Daddy?" and he says "Nothing honey." and then she says her name clear as a bell and also asks " Did you have another Woman Daddy?" and he replied in a serious but not angry voice " NO I DID NOT..."
( my D8 is very smart for her age and she likes to joke around a lot with her dad , but she had no idea she was right on the money)

I think my H wanted to die of embarrassment.. I said nothing. He brought that one upon himself. I have told him countless times to wear a shirt around the kids! Sheesh ya think he would listen to me....
I gently walked out of the room and into the bathroom to cry a few tears..
I dunno why ..
cause,
I am over the OW and the Tattoo~
but I think it is time to cover it.... ENOUGH~
I dunno if my H knew I was upset some or not~
Or if it even upset him?? Any thoughts? I am not going to mention it and hope he covers on his own ? Any input?


Today he was a doll..

When I woke up and I had to get the kids to school he did not want to stop snuggling with me~

I took my S15 to High School and when I arrived my H was getting ready to take the little ones to school with me ( 180 for him )

Before we went to the store I had some Coffee, and it warmed up to 70 degrees here to day it was beautiful and I was Hot.. so I said " Boy I am really hot... " and he said " Yeah you sure are."

He took me to the grocery store~ ( he does not like doing this )

He also took me on a walk and to eat at our Fave restaurant near our house~

We kissed like teenagers when we got back~

Just kissing ( REALLY) and it felt so nice~



The icing on the cake is.. he went to visit some friends and he called a bit ago for me not to worry that he"d be home soon and he said .....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ILY ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
\0/ \0/ \0/ \0/ \0/ YEAH Ali Is very, very Happy!
WOW~ these days really do feel like blessings!

I must say that I am being very open with him and just saying what I feel and not being scared anymore. I feel very comfortable and this feels like it is getting easier for me and for him too.
Thank you all so much for your kind words and for your support God bless you all....

[COG]

Ali,

Well she sounds out XX and then XXXXXXXX and my H is feeling I dunno what and he says to me like pleading for help "HONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "
I did not say a word. ( should I have ?)

Are you kidding? No Ali, no way. That's all HIS mess, let him dig himself out of that mud hole. You just keep a little, "if you want me you'll have to work for" me smile on your cute little face and forget all about the tatoo. Your kid's are going to take care of that tatoo for you. Hee Hee Hee.

I was laying next to my H facing the tv and my daughter was laying on the other side of him and starts reading the tattoo and sounding out the OW's name...

He might be able to stand YOU knowing about the tatoo, but those kid's are going to do a job on him. He's gonna cave and get rid of that thing.

I gently walked out of the room and into the bathroom to cry a few tears..

If that ever happens again, go into the bathroom and giggle a little and thank God for being present in your life. He's works in strange and wonderous ways, even uses children to help us do the right thing. So next time realize His prescence, smile, look upward, and give thanks.

Carry on you hottie you! Your H is soooo lucky!

God Bless,

COG

[Delil@h]

Thanks sweetie....
Right now he is digging himself into a BIG HOLE!
I called him @ 1 hour ago and asked if he was ok cause he said he'd be home soon @ 6 hours ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And he says yeah I will be home in 20 minutes my friend needs to bring my truck back and I said ok you said that X amount of hours ago and he answers I know but really I will be home in 20 minutes.............
Well he ain't here yet... and you know what...

I am ok , a little p*ssed but ok. But I know I will tell him that ,that was very disrespectful. SHEESH what does he think?

I am crazy for loving this man.. love him do not love the stupid things he does but I do love him. This is not new.. he goes out loses track of time and upsets me..... it used to be jealousy that upset me not knowing if he was being a good husband while out with the boys. Now it's just ...

Hey I am a d*mn good Wife and your kids are taken care of, I take care of me and the house is immaculate, I am a great cook..... need I go on? Good Lord.. Thank God I am humble 99.9% of the time!


I am miraculously ~not furious like I used to get and super anxious too. Thank God.. and yes God works in mysterious ways. He will be most likely kissing my butt tomorrow... just to be naughty I may make him literally do just that. Yes it is amazing how spicy I can get when my self esteem is not in the gutter anymore. All with integrity though.. no yelling. And yes you are right when my D8 said that to him he could not see my face and I was just laughing inside thinking... you sure do not want your D to know how ugly that Tattoo really is.. do you?
Even before we reconciled in June when she saw it she asked him about it she is no dummy... he responded
" I dunno why I got that I was crazy for sure!"

THANKS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH for your support COG you ALWAYS make me smile. Your advice has made me a stronger Woman for sure.
God bless you.. and Thank you for being my friend even if it is only thru Cyber space you mean a lot to me.
BTW I AM USING WHAT YOU POSTED IN MY SIGNATURE HOPE YOU DO NOT MIND
AND THANKS FOR THE EGO BOOST.. I FEEL DO BETTER~
God bless...

[Delil@h]

WOW~
I am not going to let my H being a DORK ruin the great things he did today but I sure do want to throw my stiletto heels at him when he gets here to bad they are put away in another room. I have a lot of shoes.... And I most likely would not get him in the eye it would fly right by him.. just thinking about it is fun though.... hee hee hee

If he only knew I am so easy going.. well he actually does and that is why he pulls this sh*t every once in awhile!

He will be making me breakfast tomorrow and other things I will come up with when he wants to get in my good graces again~ Sheesh he sure is making me angry!

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I guess I need to remember he has come a long way.... but still the idea of throwing my shoe at him sounds sooooooooooooooooooo fun!

Maybe a massage too. and painting my toe nails.... I sure am getting sassy now.... Hee Hee Hee

You know what is so strange when he was in Mexico he said I need to do x, y and z for him to do things for me again and that he does too much for me... and the other day he asked me to take a shower with him ( parental discretion advised )... I had already taken one but I agreed and he said can I massage you? and I said no. Not b/c I did not want him too but I remembered what he said while In Mexico. He said see you never let me do things for you.


???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

I said Honey you are so silly , I would love for you to do that but you said awhile back you do too much for me.. and he did not say anything else...

So what this says to me is that I am doing all the right things for him now. \0/ \0/ yeah me~
So do men stay out late to be rude or just b/c the are having good clean fun? I am confused. I know he loves me so why do something he knows I do not like at all?
God bless...

[Cissy]

My H does things i do like because he tells me he is still going to do "his thing". So if they like it, they will still do it. I think that is where we differ. (Men an women and/or H and W) If we knew they did not like something, we would try to not do it to make them happy. I know how you feel. Think of the good things to get you through it.

cissy

[COG]

Ali,

Right now he is digging himself into a BIG HOLE!
I called him @ 1 hour ago and asked if he was ok cause he said he'd be home soon @ 6 hours ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can feel your pain. The first reaction is anger, you want to bust his head. But, really YOU are the problem. First, if you wanted him around, then you should have asked him if he would stay with you. He's been gone for two months and probably had some catching up to do with his bud's. If he's up to no good, then the stilleto heals, otherwise two can play at that game. You should have put on your hottest work out clothes and gone to the gym for a couple of hours. Best would be to time it so he get's home, and YOU are out. He's comfortable when you chase, and you get angry that he's out. He like's having you on the hook so to speak. A little intrigue could'nt hurt.

You definately have to get over the intitial urge to get angry though. I had to grow through that too. My W was ALWAYS late. I'm ALWAYS on time. It used to drive me crazy if she said she'd be home at 9:00, and did'nt come home until 10:00. I'd be angry that she did'nt call me and let me know she'd be late. Well, hello, that's just downright childish and controlling. Sure she probably should have called out of curteosy, but I should know my W better to understand she just gets caught up. Plus she's a grown woman and does'nt need to check in. It's much more peaceful, and less stressfull to just ACCEPT them and LOVE them the way they are, flawed as we all are. Go on with YOUR life, and love them when they get home.

Love,

COG

[Delil@h]

Cog...
do not have nuch tie to post now. Lots to post though.....
Anyway you are so right once again. I did not get angry at him. I was purring more than roaring like a lioness.
Anyway I will quickly say that I so do appreciate your support b/c I was actaully very calm~
I was not as angry as I was posting, mostly joking around.

I also wondered how I could be soooooooooo calm~
as I am Latina you know and I used to get sooooooooo worked up when he did this. And I was more annoyed than MAD/ANGRY.
It is as if I needed someone else to give me permission for feeling it was ok that he was late even though he Said he'd be home. You see what I mean?
I HAVE COME TO LEARN ( THE HARD WAY) THAT IF I FEEL IT IS OK AND THAT IS WHO HE IS THEN IT IS OK. Even if the Jones' down the road or my so called friends/family do not think it is ok it is ok for me, if I feel it is.
And you are right he is always late and I am always on time.
Will post more later...
God bless...

[Cissy]

Ali,

How are you doing? How are things going for you? Let us know.
Take care.
Cissy

[Delil@h]

Well I have tried to post many times and at first my Internet service was not working and then My h would run an errand and in the middle of my novel ( cause I have not posted/journal everyday like I like to ) I would close the page.

He really is a very private person, and I am not soo much. Even in my personal relationships with others I am open. I am learning also to keep more private though !
......but out of respect for him and his feelings and b/c I have grown so much by being a part of this online community. I keep posting but want it to be just for me and my well being.

He is ( RIGHT NOW) going to meet up with friends of his to talk and most likely for a drink and to talk @ work.

Last time I posted~
I was upset b/c he came home very, very late. And you know COG was right~

I alone can control myself and how I react.
I after all told him ' HEY YEAH SURE IT IS OK IF YOU GO~"
So why act like a spoiled child when he returns? I actually was ALL talk the other day when he called on his way home the other nite he made me smile more than be angry! He apologized for being out so late ( he called at 3:?? A.M.).

I normally would go berserk~

1. How dare you be out soooooooooooooooooo late.
2. What in Gods Name were you doing.... etc. etc etc.....

I was actually calm and COG helped me to see it is OK that he does this ~if it is OK with me.
I do not like it very much ,but I can say that in the the past would not call on his way home.
He would not have been so sweet.
AND THE NEXT DAY HE TREATED ME LIKE A QUEEN. No exaggeration! THAT ALONE WAS A HUGE 180 FOR HIM. I DO BELIEVE IN MIRACLES MORE AND MORE AS I GO THRU THIS~

So maybe before ( I know for sure ) he was sometimes up to no good I can say now that I have FAITH that he is OK and he is just being with his friends. it has taken me A LOT to get to this point,,,, A LOT!!!!
I used to sit up worried and wringing my hands together and just Panicked with a feeling of Terror really over me. I have replaced all that with being slightly annoyed.

I have also learned that sure it might be an awful situation for my neighbor or my friend but for me this is him and I am me.

I must say that just the other day I went to lunch with my Aunt and I took longer than I thought, but I also never said I would be home at a certain time and he was upset some( trying to hide it, but he did not do a very good job!) HHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMM~
Aren't apples apples? And I really and truly did not do it to " get back " at him. My Aunt was having tooooooooooooooooooo much fun flirting with the waiters and she had one too many Martinis too~ So by the time we got out of there...

...it was @ 3 hours that I was gone and he was pouting more than anything like a spoiled child~ It upset me some but I ignored it and he eventually calmed down.

I must say that I must be doing something right b/c he is spoiling me soooooooooooooooooooooooooo much. I can remember a while ago when he was telling me I wasn't doing what he needed or being who he needed and when I was he would be too. And how frustrated this comment made me. Well his brutal honesty got my A#$ in gear, I must say. And some beautiful 2x4's from COG and others here. Those were a blessing. So I must be doing something right.... I have been being very forward with him and flirting with him a lot too. I have been acting sexy around him. I have been kissing him a lot ( every chance I get) ,, he always said I never kissed him enough. And lot of hugging and snuggling too. He has actually told me more than once ~ with A HUGE SIMLE on his face mind you ~TO
settle down is that all you want me for ? You have to wait...
He is joking of course but it makes me laugh and he has not said that in years!!!!!! So as small as that is and as silly as it may seem I love it. He is also making me wait and then today when we ML, I let him know how I felt and said ^&(*)and(( and ^)(*)_)!!! So I must say I have really let my guard down and just let go .... He was thrilled to say the least.
And I must say that facing my fear was hard but ML without thinking about x ( the OW), y ( my insecurities) or z ( fill in
the blank with something negative)is FANTASTIC!
Things are going well and we are so much more comfortable together. I am very pleased and very relieved. He keeps talking a lot about when "WE" (not I) are going to Mexico. This alone is astounding b/c just a while ago it was as if he was going to go there alone or with one of our Kids but not me indefinitely.

Also in the morning when he is getting ready~
I flirt with him and show him how happy I am ~
I am very affectionate ALSO.
I said affectionate not naughty .
Like saying Good morning My precious husband.. or OOH you are loooking gooooooooood today. You know what I mean. And I never used to begin his day like this. Now that I have worked on me a lot more it seems to come more natural.
I will be reading Passionate Marriage for a bit tonight and then I also will watch a Movie with my kids and have some relaxing time just for me and my soul. I have to feed my soul too if I want a Happy Husband~
I feel very blessed right now but I refuse to sit on my laurels.. there is light at the end of the tunnel and when you think you cannot get thru h^ll you can it just takes a lot of hard work and becoming more humble. I have also realized that he does not define me.. I define myself.
When he loves me like I deserve then I shine I just really shine .
It is still a work in progress but what a beautiful piece of ART is it becoming. I am blessed.
God bless....