kml - Thanks for sharing your story! It sounds like you have been through a lot! Dealing with all of that had to be so difficult for you. It sounds like it has made you a stronger person though. I hope all is well with you now!
It is funny you bring up kids. We do not have any. We were actually trying for about 6 months without much success. I did have a miscarriage and after this happened H told me he wanted to stop trying because he decided he did not want kids. I don't know if that was due to the miscarriage, the A, or both but I am sure the A had something to do with it. 3 weeks after I miscarried I discovered his A. At the time he told me he did not want kids I was so upset about it but now I am so thankful that I did not get pregnant because it would be so unfair to a child to bring them into this so I fully hear you on what you are saying! In fact it disgust me that my H would even think about trying to concieve a child while he was doing this behind my back!
As far as having kids in the future. I would still like to. H now insists that he does not ever want them which would be something else to consider should we reconcile. At this point we are no where near getting back together and you are right there would need to be a lot of work on his part to make changes and prove that they were lasting changes and that he "gets it" should this ever occur.
Your post has given me a lot of points to think of that I have not considered before. Thanks for bringing them to my attention!
As far as letting him go, I have pretty much done that. I have detached. I do not contact him and if he contacts me (which is rare) I usually let it go to voicemail or don't answer his TM or email right away. I think this is the only way for me to get through this and to let my H be accountable for his own actions (as of right now he is not doing this, he blames me and other circumstances for his choice to have a A and does not hold himself responsible for any of it).
Congrats on climbing the mountain! I bet it felt great when you were finished! I think I will start small and take a hike on some of the local trails ;)!
