Life goes on, and it ain't about Job

[81388*]

Theo;
Thanks, I know this, but we have no family locally, and like I said, married friends have enough on their plates. Some single friends have offered, and I will take them up on it at some point. I think part of what my wife is looking for is that I can't do this 24/7, I have done it for as long as a month, but I think she feels like I don't appreciate her contribution with the kids, at least that is how she sees it. Really, I think she feels guilty because she really hasn't been there for them and wants to think I won't be able to do it either.

The reality of course is that I have always told her what a great role model she is, especially for the girls, and how proud I am of her, but she can't see that right now. I was speaking to my FIL this weekend, and he was asking how we were holding up, I told him we are fine, but that I really didn't have any choice, the kids deserved better then both their parents walking away. He agreed, and said it was a good thing to keep in mind when things get tough. I feel so sorry for my inlaws, they don't know what to do, they really want to help, but don't know how.

I have told parents and in laws that they should be supportive and validate her feelings, they are real feelings and for no other reason deserve respect. I told them you don't have to agree with her, I certainly don't.

4 or 5 friends from back home are coming down this weekend, leaving after work on Friday. I am stocking up on beer and food, planning on smoked ribs and a brisket, we make our own bar-b-q sauce, and it has been well liked by all who have tried it. They all want to see the kids, and wife has them this weekend, so I am thinking about just inviting her and the kids over.(she has known all these people for 26 years, she was there when they graduated from high school, got married, had kids, and two separate God parents are coming) If she doesn't want to come I will just ask to borrow the kids for a few hours so they can visit.

I am a little worried recently because instead of detaching, I feel like I am separating. I really don't like the person my wife is right now, unfortunately, I am learning more then I care to about what she is saying and doing. Apparently, she has gotten engaged, and can't understand why people are not excited for her. I am "OK with it, and understand" There is also a strong possibility that she has had at least 2 other affairs over the last 5 years, I have not confirmed those, but am in the process of it. Not snooping, exactly, just going to call them and tell them to grow a set and tell me the truth, yes, I know both of them, not good friends, but people I trusted with my wife.

So I guess I am at a low ebb. I really can still see my wife just below the surface, I can see an incredible life with her, and I still think the kids would benefit from an intact family, but I am just not sure I want to settle for someone who thinks that little of me.