Be strong, woman. This is all so damn unfair and man, you are really doing a fine job of being walked all over. The thing that most struck me right now is...
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I did feel detached last night and much less emotionally charged. Wow, almost scares me because I feel a bit like "screw it". My head says I want my family and spouse but my heart is tired of being romped on.
And I am probably the last person who should be passing on advice to you right now, b/c I am feeling the same way. But I think in a way this is a really good thing. You need to get to this point that you can accept whatever outcome happens... and I know you feel like you are already there, but there is so much farther to go. A lot of people say that it is when we get to this point that we can really start to DB. I don't know, at the point I am at, I no longer want to do what I considered "DBing" but maybe I was doing the wrong thing all along.
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I told spouse it would be hard work for everybody if we came back to be a real family. She asked how it would be hard for me (translation: that would be me getting what I want so how could it be painful or hard for me?) My answer was that I would have to live with the fact that I might not be her first choice and that if she didn't buckle down and do ALOT of work it could happen again to us.
And this is true. But, stubborn, hon, you deserve to be her first choice. Don't try to keep this thing together b/c it is 'right' for D7 or because it is the noble thing to do. You have worth. And you deserve to be number 1. So don't do this to yourself. Yes, it will be hard work, b/c there will be a lot of pain to work thru. But you do NOT settle for second fiddle, sweetie. Not in my book. Also, what kind of message will you be sending to D7 about healthy Rs if you do that? The point is for you to get yourself into a healthy place that you can be w/ or w/o S... and D sees what a strong, wonderful role model you are.
Your S is seriously f'up to not see what she is doing. So don't take that personally. This isn't about you and your shortcomings... this is about your S needing to realize that she is responsible for her own happiness. You matter, you don't deserve this and you didn't do anything to bring this on. Keep focusing on you and your D. Get yourself to a place where you are truly happy and are responsible for your own happiness- your D7 deserves to learn how to do that for herself by watching you.
Have you followed galing's thread at all??? She has a new attitude toward her sitch that is very refreshing. Don't know if it will help you, but it is good stuff to check out.
Hugs, stubborn. Keep your chin up. Take care of you. Buy some of your own stock, b/c you really are worth it!
