I did say "down the road", but maybe waited too long in the sentence for it to sink in....(But I THOUGHT I was sooo clear....). But heck yeah, WAIT TO DATE, OMG...sheesh, sometimes I think you guys KNOW me better, but we're all just full of surprises.
So, F/D, DO wait a really long time IF and when you decide to start dating. You might not ever. And I do echo what others say about that, and sorry if it wasn't clear. I have almost no interest in dating men now....of course, that could be b/c I'm in "piecing"....point is, there is such a thing as needing some space without OP in the picture. ((hugs)) j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thanks everybody. The words of comfort really hit the spot. As I was reading your replies I broke down sobbing, which was GOOD, because I have not been able to have a good cathartic cry in all of this, just a throbbing pain. I still need to cry a lot more, but I'm sure the tears will come in their own time.
I know what I need to do: get a life, be strong and confident, don't talk to her about my feelings, don't be needy or desperate, focus on the kids, etc. I'm just so damn physically strung out from not enough sleep, not enough good nutrition, etc. that I am emotionally a wreck and I can't do what I know I need to do. The weather here has been great the past few days and has renewed some of my energy. I have exercised a bit also, but need to do more. I'm 10 weeks post bomb and I need to start getting a grip.
For lots of reasons, I do still believe that she's in MLC. On Friday night she said "I could die tomorrow. I can't stay in ann unhappy marriage." Pretty classic MLC stuff. But I no longer think that MLC translates into much hope for our marriage, except perhaps in the very long run. Her heart has hardened against me totally. She is a stranger to me. And as I've said before, we've been together a long time, but it's been rough, with a lot of conflict. I confess that at times I wonder whether she may just be more realistic about the state of our union than I am.
This would all be unbearable without you friends...so thanks again.
-SH
"Now some kind of man, he can't do anything wrong. If I see him I'll tell him you're waiting." ---Lowell George
But I no longer think that MLC translates into much hope for our marriage, except perhaps in the very long run.
MLC only translates marital Hope for a marathon+...no exceptions, just the norm.
25...yes I saw that you were referring to dating in the futre. I think the point though is that he is not ready for that sort of message at all yet. I know you aren't ready yet either. Just tell people it's okay to date someday...when someday is now...or at lesat approaching. You're okay though...we get you.
The first thing we're gonna do is change your language. Not yet capable is just a verbose can't. Remove that sort of thing from your vocabulary. You CAN and you WILL if you so CHOOSE. Cause whther you think you can or you think you can't...you're right.
Which would you rather be right about in this situation?
Point taken. No more defeatist language. Everything I've achieved in life has been from setting goals and taking action. Only positive goals and actions from here on out (...said with as much confidence as I can muster).
Quote:
If you don't wnat a divorce...CONTEST. I used "I do not believe in divorce."
By taking that moral ground rather than simply stating that I didn't WANT a divorce Sweetheart had no argument..he tried, but arguing with a belief is wasted energy. I validated his need for a divorce...said contesting was not retaliatory or a personal vengenace, but I was doing what I felt best and I also understood he was doing what he felt best...and I acknowledged to him that we just happened to disagree on what we thought was best.
I will give this some careful thought. One fear I have about contesting is that it might lead to a custody dispute, and I won't put my kids through that just to satisfy my own need to stay married.
Quote:
So before I go on...what do you want and what are you going to do about it?
Do you want to save your marriage...AND are you going to STAND. I'm not asking because you should or shouldn't...but because I need to know where to go next with you regarding whether you are a Stander or not.
I want to stand for my marriage. I believe that none of the problems my wife describes are unsolvable. I believe we could still have a happy life together and I believe what's best for my kids is a single household with mom and dad together.
I'm not sure I have the courage and patience to stand as long as some of you have though. I will be tested I suppose.
-SH
"Now some kind of man, he can't do anything wrong. If I see him I'll tell him you're waiting." ---Lowell George
