Do not put your kids in the middle. I know your h is doing it. I did the same. I would get angry after I asked and found ow was there and my poor girls did not know what to think. They want to please their dad and sadly they like ow. It just confuses them. Do what I do now. Just assume she is there and do not ask them.
The more you tell your h not do something the more he will.
This is the sad reality. I know it sucks. But we have to be the bigger person.
