Help me

[stubborn]

well it hit the fan last night. Spouse caught on that I don't agree to a 50/50 kid split. She is pretty much livid in a slow burn type a way.

I was careless. I left a journal in the car and while spouse and D7 were in car, D found it and read it then handed it to spouse asking "why would mama write that?" Spouse mentioned to me that D had found journal and read some but I PRESUMED she read my list of vacation goals, which was in the back. WRONG. She was reading my notes from a session with a DB coach. oops. I never discussed it with spouse again and the only thing she said to me was "I really liked the parts she asked me to read". In an effort to avoid drama on vacation I just let it go and spouse did too.

But late last night she pulled it out to hit me over the head with it. We had a big discussion with me repeating over and over the equasion was: Spouse leaving home 100% of time does NOT equate with D leaving home 50% of time". The algebra is not popular with spouse who thinks I'm just being mean and using the D to blackmail spouse. Untrue: I do not believe 50/50 is healthy for young children.

Spouse kept telling me that D deserved to spend time with spouse and I kept agreeing: She deserves to spend 100% of her time with you and we could do that by you staying in our family and putting it back together. There was no real yelling but I did cry, I always do. So now the cat is out of the bag and ugly is on the menu.

I told spouse it would be hard work for everybody if we came back to be a real family. She asked how it would be hard for me (translation: that would be me getting what I want so how could it be painful or hard for me?) My answer was that I would have to live with the fact that I might not be her first choice and that if she didn't buckle down and do ALOT of work it could happen again to us.

Well what do you think folks? What now? What generally happens in spouse gets mad and nasty when things she does not like come up or her "fault" is mentioned in any way. Then she cools off and apologizes, but I HATE the friction and anger. I did feel detached last night and much less emotionally charged. Wow, almost scares me because I feel a bit like "screw it". My head says I want my family and spouse but my heart is tired of being romped on. Speak wise friends.