Are you saying that we HAVE to tell our SOs about every single thought that crosses our mind in order to be honest? I do not think so but I want to make sure.
Absolutely not. But... if I have a thought and I want to express it, I am being honest (and I think there is a way to do that respectfully and not.) If I do not express the thought because I have anticipated someone else's potential reaction, or I fear another's reaction... I am not being honest, one, I am not respecting myself, two, and I am not giving the other person an opportunity for THEM to act or respond, honestly or otherwise. I've taken it completely out of their hands.
Heather not expressing her thoughts about Leo was her choice, because of what she decided was respectful or not. That's cool. Got no problem with that. But if Heather held back because of the way she thought her H might respond... you have another issue.
I do think it depends on the people, and what agreements you have between each other.
I think it's all concisely summarized right here. Fact is, I think HD knows where Mrs HD stands on the issue and he chose to express himself anyway. Nothing 'wrong' with that. But you gotta keep in mind what your goals are. Not saying something doesn't mean that you're being dishonest. Sometimes it just means you're being smart.
The reason I spoke up Fearless is becasue sometimes the opinions on the board, when they all seem to be in agreement on something, can make you feel 'the whole world agrees with me and my spouse is just skewed in their thinking'. Corri might feel comfortable moving if her bf wants to look at someone else's legs. That man would not have a chance with me. Takes all kinds, but the board has to keep in mind the way Mrs HD IS, not the way they would be or the way they think Mrs HD should be. Neither way is right or wrong, but if we want to learn how to love our partners in ways that make them feel loved, then we shouldn't push ourselves on the issue, we should let them be themselves and then we decide if we can love them in that way or not. Not verbalizing appreciation for the opposite sex is no skin off anybody's back really, so if your partner has an issue with it, why on earth would you push it unless you have Turrets or something, lol?
With all this said, HD I don't want it to turn into a bigger issue than it is. What you said wasn't disrespectful by definition, you're weren't rude or crass. I referred to it as disrespectful, mostly because you already know how Mrs HD feels about it. Now, if you said what you said knowing she wouldn't like it and chose to do it anyway so that you could express yourself, then fine. Nothing inherently wrong with that. I just wanted to say, I can see where she's coming from and I don't think that the comment helped you achieve either of your goals (regaining self-integrity or regular sex). That's all.
Last edited by heatherg; 03/26/0706:49 PM.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
You know guys...IMPO what Hairdog said in his comment to his wife was not inappropriate. He didn't point anything specific out about this woman, they were talking about her clothing and not her tits....and SHE brought it up.
It's a sad thing when one spouse broaches a topic and the other spouse cannot feel safe enough to express their true opinion on it. THAT IMPO, is all Hairdog did, express HIS opinion on it...that he liked that style of clothing. He didn't elaborate on the fact that he is an equal opportunity cleavage fan. Heck his statement could have even been an implication that "hey honey I'd love it if YOU would dress that way." kind of a thing (I know that's not what he said).
IMPO though when a subject is brought up both people in the R should be allowed to voice an opinion. If Mrs. HD didn't want to hear his true opinion....SHE could have kept her mouth shut too. I mean...she knows damned good and well that he doesn't necessarily subscribe to her feministic viewpoints.
Oh...and fearless, here's the deal. The "I like to look at it" comment kind of slipped out. But once it was out there, I'll be damned if I'm going to go all sensitive-guy and deny it. I didn't enter into the convo to prove that the old Hairdog is back, but, once there, I'm not going to slide back into comfortable non-confrontational all-men-objectify-except-me-because-you-taught-me-better mode.
When it slipped out, that was the old pre-marriage Hairdog (original Coke). The post-marriage guy (New Coke) would have fallen all over himself explaining it away. Hairdog Classic doesn't play that game anymore.
Wait GEL...we weren't talking about clothing or tits. We were talking about cleavage. Also, we brought it up simultaneously "Oh yeah, like a cop would wear something that showed cleavage like that."
Just make sure that you do not ever end up "apologizing" for the fact that you are high desire. You are a man, which likely makes you visually oriented, and thus you appreciate the female form. Do not let her try to take that away from you. I think that us HD guys often end up trying to fit our wives views, when in effect, we should try being men. Men LOVE to look at women, this is completely normal. The fact that she thinks you are objectifying women means that she does NOT understand the nature of men. Do NOT appologize for being male (and thus lose respect).
