WOW, reading your posts is like reading about someone waking up from a nightmare.
I think, in retrospect, we can all look back and see "red flags"...perhaps not as intense or big as yours, but they are there. Why did we not see them or walk away? B/c we were taught to overlook fallacies in loved ones, compromise for M, and grow together. Well, at some point, you did growing and your H did not.
It's great that you're seeing things. And, as Sven said so nicely, that you see that you let these things affect you, and let him go on with it with YOUR actions in M.
Good news is, you can take that back now.
Old habits are hard to break, as well as old patters of thought and perceptions...for ex: not wanting to get him angry, rock the boat, etc.
But, sounds like you'er coming to a point of not caring, and wanting to stand up for yourself.
What do I see for you? A strong woman emerging. Finding herself, her strength, her power and life back again.
You are blossoming, keep going with it.
Don't let him borrow the car. Tell him you can't do that, and as Sven said, take him off insurance.....I did that with H already....when MLC got really nuts, I was scared the H might get involved in madness that would affect the insuranec....sure enough he has had 3 tickets.
Share stuff to the extent of co-parenting, and kids. Then draw your boundaries.
Your question now should be, How will Nicola detoxify her life? Take it back in healthy, sane, ways? How will she thrive? What does it take?
