Bizarre situation

[Kim07]

Thanks Geordie, I can always count on you for help!
I will do just that,,the hug,,if it turns to something more then so be it,,if it doesn't-I will walk away w/my head held high, smiling til he can't see me anymore when i'm driving away,,then i'll cry!

I really wanted to go on this trip w/him,,he gets to travel to the ends of the earth w/people he knows for work!! I'm so jealous! I will miss him as well as I don't feel good about this flight,,Korean Air!

Goodnight, sleep tight & don't let the H bugs bite!

Kim

[geordie]

Just journaling.....

Went away for weekend with S1....made a point of texting H goodnight before going to bed (he was at our marital home as he was working night shift)..his responses seemed good; "babe" and kisses etc. Called and spoke to him on Sat... he wanted to know if our friends' H was out with us, seemed interested in what we were doing.

BUT got home last night...no call to see if we landed safely....I called him 4 times between 10pm and midnight and it kept going to voicemail (he is always with OW Sun and Mon) then called him again today....voicemail. He is totally ignoring my calls because he is with her. Doesn't he even care that our plane didn't crash? I have his toddler son with me and being with that wh*** of a homewrecker is more important than answering my call...I could be calling to tell him that S was in hospital. I have been so down last night and today....I am seriously considering just ending this marriage so I can move on. This pain is just too much for me.

Do others go through this? I just feel that H is stringing me along until he gets his ducks in a row and then can simply transition out of my life.

I thought we were improving.....now this. He's just going to turn up on my doorstep tomorrow ready to look after S1 while I go to work, like nothing ever happened but I just don't even want to see him. Feel like taking S1 to someone else to look after while I to to work .....

I just feel so low again.

[chicki]

I have been told this is just their selfish ways,me, me, me, and forget evryone including the kids. if you read my stich my H has even forgotten to pick up the kids from daycare for me!! I understand he NEVER picks them up, but give me a bvreak ,i was out of town!

[still hoping]

Hi geordie,

Been reading through your posts and can very much relate to your sitch. Separated from H 8 months ago. I have 2 small boys (4 and 1). Read DB and DR and have tried the techniques, although to no avail (unless I can't see them). I'm also living in a foreign place but have made some really great friends over the years and am also very close to my in-laws. Thought H's EA was over because OW moved, but recently I'm suspicious that she's moved back and he's now having PA/living with her. Have very little contact with him - only see him on the weekends briefly.

Anyways, I just wanted to say that I can totally understand the ups and downs - the wanting to do anything and everything to save your marriage, but then having those times of feeling like it's totally hopeless and maybe better to give up and move on while kids are still young. Also can't decide whether to stay here or move back to the states. Have tried to GAL - even got a part-time job - but while it's great to have something else to think about, being a full-time mom, I'm finding it very stressful to juggle. Plus don't want to make any sudden changes to boys' routines.

My post is under Newcomer's forum - Finally posting - starting to crash. After my first post, I find this very addicting!

Hang in there.

still hoping

[geordie]

Well the rollercoaster continues......found out that OW and H have moved out of apartment and into a house (he dropped himself in it)....although he denies it's anything other than him just going with her (nothing they bought together).

Something just made me say "so do you think you will ever come home?". He hung his head and said "I would love to". Whoaaaa......What the F**??????????

Trying not to get my hopes up but over the last few days he has said similar things but with the caveat that it's not so easy to just come home. I'm trying to DB and validate etc but I just want to get his stuff and bring it all back.

We were talking today when he got a text. I asked who from...and he told me it was OW...so there's an improvement as he usually ignores my question when it relates to her.

Hopes dashed again today when he said that he is not working on Easter Sat - I suggested we may do something together that night but he said he was planning on going back to OW on Sat morning after his Friday night-shift......I guess I am starting to wonder how he can want to come home but not want to spend any time with me...........??? Is this what I'm going to have to live with for another few months?????

[geordie]

Chicki

Sorry to hear....will read your sitch and see what I can contribute.

[geordie]

Still Hoping

Thanks for your words. Going through this with little ones in tow makes me realize how strong we can be. Why can't our H's think of the kids' wellbeing rather than just walk out and leave them with us to pick up the pieces??

Where are you living right now?

I've made some good friends and even have someone who I trust enough to look after S1 for a few hours so I may even get to go out one evening!!

I'll hop over and read your posts!

[geordie]

So, over the past few days H does mention that he wishes he could turn the clock back, wants to come home...blah blah but he is STILL LIVING WITH OW!!!!!!!! Says he doesn't know how to end it with her since he still has feelings for her and this whole sitch has changed him.......I'm so confused again.

Will this ever end? Does he really want his family back or is this just his way of trying to have both????

[HeartScared]

He is very very confused Geordie. I think that guilt is probably holding him back from making a choice. Hang in there.

Listen to him as a lover/friend. Be the one he can open up to, it will make it easier for him to decide to come home to you. If he is discussing these feeling with her she could quite possibly be angry and scream at him to stay with her, which will only push him away. Make sure you are the "safe" person to come to.

Good luck.

[geordie]

Thanks HeartScared

Had a terrible day - snapping at S1 and just generally breaking down in tears much of the day. Feel like I can't cope with this anymore. Feel numb and used. I don't even think I have the ability to have a relationship with anyone anymore. Just totally empty.

H doesn't plan on being with us this weekend since he isn't working Sat night - plans on being with OW - so how can he want to come home? He has a perfect opportunity to spend time with us that he never normal gets - but he won't. I guess our home is his hotel when he comes into town for work.

Me and S1 alone again.....when everyone else is spending time with family and having BBQs in the nice weather. Here I go, feeling sorry for myself again!

H says he has been away so long (moved out 6 months ago) that it is hard to come back....but it seemed so easy to leave me after 14 years! I just don't get it. Although he did say that he wishes he could turn back the clock so this didn't happen. I guess that's a positive. I told him we couldn't change the past but we can change what happens from this point on.

I know that I need to hold out a bit longer and let OW be the one begging and crying....but I don't want to be second best, i.e. when she gives him an ultimatum and he runs home (or not).

Guess I'm just having a bad day...