Don't hate me for saying this, but am glad, so glad you are making these revelations.... Why? First and foremost because now you hold the upper hand - for yourself. YOU control the frame. Think about it - when we DR/DB, we still leave an element of the "control" with the WAS. Sure, we take ownership of what we did wrong, we GAL - taking ownership of our lives and what we make of them. But we also leave the final choice to move on together or apart to our WAS's.
I think that is pooh somtimes because often it might let us become the enabler (of their ambiquity). We don't do it on purpose - we have a higher calling - the saving of our M. But I think it is important - taking a page from JustMe to really examine it. Examine our partners and our intentions. My IC pushed me REALLY hard to make sure I could live with my choice. AND to be darn sure that IC for my W was part of the reconciling process. Why? Because the demons were still there - just because my W had a moment of clarity didn't mean that it wouldn't happen again. And that really hit me hard for some reason. But I came to realise that it wasn't just *my* behaviour that was in need of changing - seems obvious, but it wasn't. She needed as much, if not more work. Now, I got lucky...my WAW did come back, and we are a work in progress but I had real doubts if this was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Not because of the OM and the world of hurt that put on me - but because I became stronger through the whole process and really started to believe that I DESERVED better.
Now, that serves me well in my new "R" with my W. And it will serve you better when you start your new life. AND YOU WILL. I'm so glad you just turned and walked away last night after the kiddies said goodbye. That's perfect. You know what he wants from you - he wants you to be there when he needs and leave you when he doesn't. Well, that is pooh too. I'll tell you, next time he says he needs the car, don't let him have it. I don't know the laws up in the great white north, but next time, tell him you took him off the insurance and he isn't supposed to drive it - or if that won't work - immediately back the kids up and go to the mall.
All that said pal, don't dwell on the lies - wasted energy - remember what our buddy TJ says? "What you focus on expands". Start focusing on your new life, your relationship with you kids and not on what ol' SFB is up to....
You've got work to do.
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
