ok.....done there with that. Gonna face this stuff and figure it out if it kills me. And I will be so much stronger for it in the end. Now I actually mean that - even tho there is just the tiniest snotty tone in my voice........
Well thank the LORD for that tiniest snotty tone, otherwise I would have had to write you off as a saint, and then I couldn't be your friend anymore!!!!!!!
Just joshin, as I hope you know.
YOur 2nd to last post was glorious. I especially loved the part about this situation being intended to lead us to improve our love for and relationships with OTHERS, not necessarily or at all with our Hs. That applies to me in spades, and I am grateful for it. Don't always do it so well yet, but, better, yes much better than in the beginning.
Have a good weekend brue. I know that the money is come when you need it, it has every single time so far, and I know it will again.
Are you cold enough to come visit me yet? Just say the word and I'll send you a ticket!
Now if you're giving away tickets, AH, I mite have to take you up on the offer!!!
who knows - I may get there at some point. My next destination is VERMONT! I don't remember if I said this or not but my daughter and SIL are moving from Arizona in 2 weeks and he will be "guarding" the Canandian border I guess. That's alright with me! The crap that was going on on the Mexican bord was ugly and I didn't like my SIL being there!
I came from New England - so I can't wait to go visit them there. Life would be so much easier if I could win the Big One. (of course, you have to play to win).
Thanks for stopping by my friend. I hope your weekend is lovely too!
brue
I'm alive, I'm happy - why shouldn't I tell the world I've got my head screwed back on just fine. Life is good for the Brue!
Finally reading again, and I am glad since you have posted so much incite in the past week.
I thought of how God loves us when I read your post, and the hurt and disappointment he must feel when our free will gets us in trouble.
I think I love my wife unconditionally, and it hurts that she does not feel the some way about me. You are right, it is her life and not mine (not something I really thought about before...thanks for the perspective). However, her life has affected mine because of our relationship/marriage, or her decisions in her life have affected our relationship/marriage. They are intertwined. It is how we decide to detach, or hang on that depends on how we are hurt.
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My current Thread
2nd Time: Learning IV
iwb61@verizon.net
I only hope you realize what a wonderful person you are. Even tho others may take your personality the wrong way, as I know many people have also taken mine the wrong way, it is you! They do not know that inside you, you meant it one way, but they took it the other. Thats happened to me many times. It is only becuase you have a BIG HEART and are so willing to give. You don't happen to be a Scorpio?
Our son's.......I think your son is my son, and vice versa. I have been struggling with the same issues. He's almost 26 and still lives at home. I would not trade him for the world. But I have enabled him so much, he now takes advantage of me. I am DB'ing with him. My mother also had to do the "tough love" with me. The apple did not fall far from the tree. I ask him for the smallest of help, and I feel that I get nothing in return for all I have given him. I can't even put into numbers the amount of money I have spent helping him out of his messes. We should compare notes......
There comes a time in our lives when we have to live for ourselves and not feel the guilt for not helping others. If we cannot help ourselves it makes it harder to help others.
All your struggles will on day be rewarded. Have "Faith" and keep being you. It will pay off.
Sending all my bleesings to you.
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
Geeze Jeanette - I look thru the threads and see mine has been found and was taken totally by surprise. So I read your post to me and think "what the heck is she referring to?" It's been so long since I've had my thread out to post on it. So I began searching thru it and found what I had written. It was good for me to re-read some stuff.
AND IWB - thank you for coming by. Looks like you're the one who dragged out my thread again. I haven't been feeling much like posting - don't feel I have too much to offer - tho I forget that the journaling part of it is for me and to watch my growth.
The growth changes from day to day. It is good when they say we should not conduct our lives according to how we are "feeling" because that changes all the time. Talk about wacky!
Right now I'm in a mode where I really don't care that much about H. I'm sure that I don't mean that somewhere deep down - and I know I'm learning how to balance somehow. I'm actually content to NOT have H around - it's too draining. When he's here he needs 100% of my attention - like when he's using the computer. He hates them.......the computer is a very frustrating machine for him - this is one thing that his accident did to him - his patience is nil - so I have to be at his beck and call to help him with it...or listen to the new songs he's written.....or stop and fix him lunch or dinner etc. I don't work when he's here......but since he doesn't give me money but on a rare occasion - I HAVE TO WORK and I have all 3 of my jobs that need my attention. This is what has been frustrating. Sure - maybe he feels he can do whatever he wants while he's finding himself.......I can't totally follow suit. I'm trying to find my way here as a single woman - I still have bills and an old farm house and huge yard to tend to.
H doesn't have to do any of that any more - he walked out on it. And that's fine. I'm certainly quite used to it by now and am ok.........but I need to continue on. So that's where I am right now. He only has one more month left on his lease (it was a 13 month lease) - I actually fear that he might want to have some place to hang til he can take off and sing around the country. To me this will not be acceptable - since he has not really taken time to figure out what he wants to do with a relationship. If you don't want to be a husband/wife team - then for heaven's sake - don't come back here.
There is no "I" in t-e-a-m. We've all heard that before. Tho H is mild mannered in all of this........he still is huge into the I, I, I, and Me, Me, Me - big time. I haven't heard him talk about anything but himself in years - but especially since he left. It's so BORING.......so NON-LIFE.......this is not what I want to get back into. I got debts I owe and people who need me and things I want to give back to the people who have cared for me over the years.
So......that's where I am. Unlike all who are pining away for their spouses - I just want to be left alone right now til some major things get taken care of - as you all know - my debt. This is very important to me. I have no way to pay it off without busting my a#@ working. This past week I have begun to wake up and pull myself out of the slump I've been in. Clearing out the clutter that's keeping me from doing what's important. A solid week of busting my butt. Work has been coming back - orders for my shop have begun again - people are starting to call me again to get their flowers preserved and arranged. One small dime at a time - this is my mission.
I need to find how to balance H with all this. The fact is - I am a responsible person - and would prefer to remain that way. I feel there must be a way to pat H on the back and still remain responsible at the same time.
that's where I am folks......for whatever that's worth.
brue
I'm alive, I'm happy - why shouldn't I tell the world I've got my head screwed back on just fine. Life is good for the Brue!
Isn't it amazing to realize that after a period of time, the choice is actually yours?
Isn't that wonderful?
It is like, "Hey, your crap? I really do not need it, so if you want to be around ME better drop some off at the door. As you can see I am doing just fine without you."
And coming from THAT place makes dealing with the MLC sooooooo much easier.
I remember your first posts, to steal a phrase: "You've come a long way baby."
: )
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
bruenaip, you are where I strive to be very soon. It is hard but I know we will be ok in the long run and when we can tell our H's to go away and we really don't care anymore....it makes our daily lives so much easier and happier.
Me 31 WAH 30 M 5 Together 14 years S 4 divorced 7/11/07
