I can understand your desire to want to be treated with more compassion for your mistakes. I am thinking cac4 may be having a hard time owning up to his vulnerability, and finds yours scary as well. He needs you to be the strong co-pilot and have the perfect back-up system. If he sees weakness, he gets scared and attacks. It's good you both are addressing this dyanmic now...with kids and with age, the vulnerability increases. We become aware of our own mortality and have health issues, we have to send our kids out into the world, our parents have problems, etc. I think it's really cool that you are both communicating here and working together...that takes guts! Lastly, mrs.cac, don't despair...once you begin to move forward, the setbacks feel so much worse. Unfortunately, that's the way it works...two steps forward, one back ( or some variation of that). Congrats on the progress you are making!
Yes, the setbacks seem so much bigger now that we're actively working on the M. But, I also get the sense that they allow us to take another big leap forward. I've observed this with my son's development.
We both have big vulnerability issues. My issues with the SL, resulting in my LD mode, boil down to a fear of vulnerability. H's avoidance of talking to me also is due to a fear of vulnerability. We need figure out how to be able to trust each other enough to be vulnerable. We can't have a really good M/SL without it.
If we both agree that we have fear of vulnerability, then perhaps we can try to step back when we notice resistance and talk about how we feel. I have found myself in Chrome's wife's position a lot. H will be interested in ML, I may not be in the mood, so I offer to take care of him. He offers the same to me but I say, "no, that's OK, I'll just "do" you." Why do I do that? Doesn't really make sense. Why would I refuse an opportunity to feel good? Because I need to open myself up to him and that makes me feel vulnerable, which is scary.
CAC: Yesterday I asked you if you could think of anything that made you feel inadequate and you said no. Perhaps I asked the wrong question. Maybe I should have asked you if you could think of anything that made you uncomfortable (which I think means "vulnerable", which means "open to being hurt"). I'm sure you could have come up with a few examples. Yesterday I was feeling uncomfortable with the backup sitch and because of that feeling, I wanted to avoid it all together. Sound familiar?
I've chosen to start this thread and pose questions to my H here because I think it might be more effective than me bombarding him with talk. Talking face-to-face hasn't worked well for us in the past. Time to try something new.
Maybe you could use one of the USB hard drives for your back-up. You just plug it into a USB port and it shows up just like the zip drives you are familiar with. Best part is you don't have to involve him or his network at all. If he wants the back-ups on his network, HE can move them off the USB drive onto his network.
mrs.cac, Both you and your H are a wonderful combination of strength and vulnerability. You have a great opportunity here on the BB to open up to each other and express the full range of emotions...how enriching is that!
I did better when I WOH, but being pg and SAHM seems to have turned my brain to mush. Whatever confidence I had in my intellectual abilities is greatly diminished by my present occupation.
MrsGGB has been heard to say that you give up 20% of your intelligence to your baby, so after 6 she's allowed to be a little ditzy on occasion.
I think this is the same device that H suggested, and that Lou mentioned. $25 at Staples for 2G I think. I'm going to get one. Mrs. Cac4, I don't know about Staples Price this week, I don't get their ads in the paper.
Office Depot has a 2GB USB drive for $25 after a rebate. OfficeMax has a 2GB USB drive for $25 and does not require you to go through the rebate process. 2GB is large if you only want to back-up a Quicken files. Last week I bought a 1GB for $8 after rebate. Two of my printer customers had hard drive problems last month. Lil's suggestion about backing up the whole drive isn't that expensive or difficult. My customers wished they would have backer-up their whole drive. One spent $100 on an attemped recovery. The computer tech didn't recover a thing after several hours of his recovery process. The customer knew the risk of 0% recovery before hand.
I understand where Cac4 is coming from when he gave his example about crashing a car verses parking a car. The two events are truly different.
So far, the advice given regarding the presenting problem I like the flow chart or sequential steps note card, and the USB drive.
The underlying problem of feelings and how you two react to situations will require consideration for and from each other.
Don't let differences like the back-up cause either one of you to not post. Sometimes I see indications of taking sides concerning an issue, but really it is how we as individuals look at problems and solutions. some work for us but don't work for others as well. Keep coming back is my moto.
Uh... sorry for the highjack, but since we are talking computers and techie stuff...
I'm on a Mac. I have one folder where all my 'document' stuff is kept. It's the only 'folder' on my computer (with dozens and dozens inside) that I am interested in backing up. Well... and my emails. And my music. okay. that's it.
Because I do graphic work, and a lot of times my files are enormous... I've tried the 'portable' hard drive... have a real nice one, as a matter of fact. Hook it up with a fire wire. But for whatever reason... some of my files, I guess because of size... fck up the whole backup process. It'll give me an error reading and tells me that transfer has stopped. In order for me to continue, I have to back up file, by file. What a pain in the keester.
Mac??? Sorry, I get by on a Mac just to test Mac only printers as in "See Jane run. See Dick run" level.
Try re-saving just the defective file with a different name, to a different location, such as a USB or portable drive.
I partition all of my hard drives into C: for operating system and some programs that only want to go on C:, D: for all of my programs, and E: for all of my data into different folders and sub folders. If one part of the hard drive develops defects/virus etc, the rest of the drive might survive. FWIW,
