hey tl, I've been away to clear my mind of rehashing old wounds when I read old posts.
I'm sorry things don't look good now, things where going so well until the incident w/your son. Just sending some prayers your way, I hope that this "fog" stage dissipates and you do what's best for all involved)))))))))))))))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
TL, what happened? How did your plan go awry? I had thought your interactions were going well, and you spent a lot of time together having fun. Did your inner dialogue spill out into your reality?
Trust me, I understand the whole attention-from-others appeal. I watch it happen on this board sometimes, and just b/c the other did it first doesn't make it okay for you. But you know that.
Thinking of you. {{{TL}}}
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
Okay, I realize my posts have been few and far between lately, and when I post, it's a "downer".
It's amazing to me how different things are now from, say, 6 months ago. Like night and day. As time goes on I think my wife, somewhat to her dismay, sees how similar her recent behavior was to what our teenaged son and his friends are doing, getting all in a tizzy over how another person makes them feel to the detriment of the other things that are, or were, important to them. I hope so, because, to me, there's not much difference in terms of the nonsense.
I can remember, just a few months ago, being anxious, struggling with being affectionate, desperately craving my W's attention. Riding the roller coaster...sometimes even by choice.
That's not gone away completely, it's still there, but I realize that I've had the luxury lately of being indifferent to my W because she's been home, trying, and doing most everything right.
So I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful I've had the opportunity to take her and the kids to a better place, spiritually and emotionally as well as geographically. Thankful I've received enough grace to do what's right no matter how I've felt.
Things seem to be easing up just a little. The last two months have been tough since I've had no feelings at all and when I have, I've basically had the urge to kick her out even though, now, there's no real reason to and, of course, that would just be wrong...a violation of our marriage covenant.
My indifference has been a blessing, though, because it provided a break from the emotional wringer.
We've also had a temporary break from the physical problems, so that's been nice as well.
Henry Ford reputedly once said something like "failure is the opportunity to begin again, more intelligently."
That's pretty good. I can see that.
Even when it's easy, it's still difficult.
Bottom line is, no matter how difficult, I see now that you have to allow this stuff to change you for the better which has to begin with the everyday decisions and even the decision to do what is right even when that goes against what you think you want.
bi_43...I hear you loud and clear. It's a temptation, of course, but not a very serious one...at least not at this point. I hope it never is.
I'm fortunate right now in that our life is quiet, peaceful, and good. I no longer feel like I have to carry the entire marriage on my back, yet I am profoundly satisfied that I protected her and our kids and our family, helped preserve it, and I think she's starting to see that and is truly happy about that. I think she sees a world of possibilities in our life with our children that she had quit seeing before.
And I know I've done and am doing my part, but that she has a part in this too. Sorta like Popeye...I am what I am and that's all that I am".
No fireworks. No drama. Just an ever-deepening sense of peace and contentment, and fun with the kids, and even, sometimes, joy in making the kids laugh, watching them play their sports, talking with them about their faith and their expectations of themselves, life, and other people.
She seems so much more frail or something. As stubborn as she's always been, she now seems almost fragile. I can't believe my entire self-worth was ever wrapped up in her. I can't believe my well-being was ever tied to how much attention she gave or didn't give. If I didn't know it had been like that, I'd never believe it had been like that, if that makes any sense. That just seems so foreign and silly to me now.
All I can say is, you never regret doing what's right. There is a lot of freedom and peace in detachment and only worrying about steering YOUR boat for a while.
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
