When someone who claims to love me is unnecessarily rude, it makes me irritable. Even more than when a stranger is rude to me, and I'm not too fond of that either.
I agree, and I called H on this behavior a couple of months ago. It was the catalyst for my lightbulb moments and revelations.
I accused H of not extending a courtesy to me, one that he would have extended to S3. When I asked him why he wouldn't extend the courtesy to me, he said he shouldn't have to. I said, "why, because I'm a grown-up?" He said yes.
After talking about it, we both realized that some people think they can say whatever they want to their immediate family--things they would never say to acquaintances. They think the familiarity of their family allows them to be "honest," which really translates to rude. The familiarity gives them license to say whatever they want without concern for the recipient's feelings. H has been on the receiving end of this from his parents for a long time.
I decided that if I was going to expect this courtesy from H, I had to be prepared to extend it to him. This led me to examine by own behavior toward him. It also led me to examine my parenting, which brought H's and my respective FOO issues to the forefront.
