Is anybody out there??? Virginia? 1210? I just got home and cannot stop crying... I need help...
I feel like I want to tell H that I'm done, that he needs to make a choice - he either ends it with OW completely and we see if we can work together to build a magical marriage that is fulfilling for both of us, or he chooses to say with OW and I want him to move out of the house, move out of our office.... I don't feell ike I want to do this anymore, guys. I can't stop crying. I'm so tired of hurting.
But then I get so angry at myself - I'm NOT a quitter, and there are so many more DBing things that I haven't done and could be doing much better, and I'm so mad at myself for not wanting to just DO it and try so much harder, and at the same time I'm just tired of this and want to get on with my life. I know I need to work on making myself a better person and getting stronger, but I don't know if I want to hold on to him anymore while I do it... It just hurts so much. Having to come home every night to an empty home with all of his stuff still in it, having to work with him everyday and have my heart break in two just to see his face, knowing he's with her - I just don't know if I've reached my breaking point... But then I think since I'm NOT a quitter that I should be able to hold on for 10 years if I have to to save my M, so I feel like I'm giving up without giving it all I have, but I can't seem to find it within myself to give anymore... I don't know if I want to go on for 10 years to save my M and not have someone to love me that whole time. I feel such a need and want to have a fulfilling relationship with a man. But then I believe in what I told my friend that one of the best pieces of advice I could give her was to stay strong to your commitment to M, no matter what. But where DO you draw the line? How do you know when you've reached your breaking point? I feel like I have so far in this journey that I could go with H if I could just get the strength to be a better me, but at the same time, I'm so tired of all of this pain and feel like maybe I need to separate from him to get some clarity without seeing him so much. But I don't know how to do that with our business...
Help, guys!!!! I've now taken 3 Xanax, and they're just not helping. I don't know where this crisis is coming from... HELP!!
