Please help me! My H served me divorce papers 2 months ago, after a separation. Ever since, I have been going through the threads on DB BB and have also read DB.
Applying the DB techniques has really helped me and after 2 months of DB, my H has begun to call me and ask how I am doing. He came home the other night and we talked for almost 6 hours. I was positive, cheerful and confident.
But now, it seems that my H is trying to reconsider his decision. He is looking for answers and wants to know how I feel about what happened to get us to where we are....in short he wants me to take most of the responsibility for messing up our relationship and also apologize to his family and friends for hurting them....I don't think I should be apologizing to anyone but to him.
However, since I feel I am getting a second chance should I just take full responsibility and apologize even though I don't agree. He would like to pin the blame on me and expect me to make future changes to make the marriage work.
Please advise....I don't want to mess up a second time but I am not sure if I am the only one who should be accepting responsibility for what happened.
You have really taken the DB goal-setting and behavior and made it work for you - great! I encourage you to continue staying focused on your goals. And what are your goals? Will apologizing get you closer to them? I don't know your circumstances, so I am not sure why it is important for your H to have you apologize to family and friends. However, I would wonder that if by your apologies, it helps him to "save face" so that he feels more free coming back to you...is that possible? Would that be a possible outcome?
And, if you choose not to apologize, how will that impact your M goals? Is this a situation where it is more important to be right or to be loved?
Keep in mind that just because you are giving 150% right now, that doesn't mean as your R gets back on track that your needs can't be addressed later. And they should be - when your H is back committed to the M.
So, hold onto those things that are working for you! Then, take a clear look at the best possible consequences that could come from your future actions. I support your efforts!!! _________________________ Laurie Divorce Busting Relationship Coach
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
